Monday, 01/10/05 - 12:07 pm.
I did not talk to my niece for the rest of the day, and avoided her as much as I could. She only spoke to me when it was strictly necessary. "I'll walk the dog", "mom said look for the price tags" and "mom said if you found anything, because we're leaving".
My parents went out yesterday afternoon. My dad had a friend here (he has friends everywhere), and he took them out. In the meantime, my sister in law took the three kids and me to a park. Not the park my nephew wanted to go to, so he wasn't really happy. Me neither, to be honest. It was too crowded. I just walked around listening to George Harrison. Once again we were going to where my niece wanted to. It wasn't her idea, going there, but it still bugged me.
After two hours there, we went to Barnes & Noble because my niece wanted to buy a book. I saw a guy who had a little ressemblence to prince William. While I'm not a screaming royalty follower, I do like him very much, so seeing a look-alike was like "aw". And hey, I got to hold the entrance door for him and he said "thanks". It was a lovely rush, I tell you. Sometimes I kind of hate it that I'm not physically appealing.
At night I was walking out of the bathroom, on my way to fall asleep, and my niece was waiting for me in her doorway. She called my name and said wholeheartedly with her cutest shy smile and sweetest voice "I'm sorry".
All through the day I was thinking that if she came up to me and said I'm sorry I'd tell her to fuck off or something, because I was really mad. Besides being mad for what she told me, madder for her not wanting to let her brother play The Sims.
But I also wasn't going to be carrying around that weight, I wasn't going to be resentful for her attitude my whole life and rub it in her face every time I saw her (or ignore her, for that matter). So I gave her a hug and said "I'm sorry, too".
She said she was like that sometimes, and she was tired at the time, and that her mom had pointed out she shouldn't be so cranky...excuses that weren't really necessary. You're a very forgiving person, she said sitting on her bed. I said no harm done, and we started to talk like nothing happened, until we went to bed. I, of course, felt a relief in my ribcage, and smiled when I heard my brother say "good night, princess".
(I believe I was very harsh in yesterday's entry, but it was how I was feeling at the moment, and how I feel when such things happen. It was a statement, this diary was my only source for channeling my emotions, since I wasn't going to go yell at her, or punch her or break her stuff...luckily it's always a temporary thing, as you see, she does her share of effort to straight things up. I do love the gal.)I sleep in the living room since the kids started school. There's an extra room in Rebeca's (my niece) bedroom, but it takes a lot of space and that could be an obstacle when she's getting ready in the morning...considering I don't wake up with them anymore. So I went to the living room, and I found my brother hugging my mom, even though she was already in her sleeping bag (the "good night princess" ocurred later).
My parents left today, you see. They're on their way to the airport right now. I'll see them in about 15 days (when I leave Houston myself), but I'm sorry for my brother, who only sees them once every two or three years. He obviously gets very sad, so it's hard to see him when they say goodbye. He could use some family support in this wide, fat city. He's always been so very emotionally attached to them. If it was up to him, he'd bring them to live with him.
You know, suddenly "I'm leaving in 15 days" sounds like "I'm leaving tomorrow". Ugh. Just when comes the best part, just me and the children. For instance, this afternoon I'll go pick up my nephew at the elementary school at 5, and I'll take my niece, my other nephew and the dog to the school park first. It's gonna be nice.
I dreamed of Joseph last night. As a matter of fact, I dream of him often. I really want to do a lot of things with him besides seeing him at the university. So if I should have any resolutions for this year (it's never too late) one of them would be go out with him more. It kind of scares me, when I start thinking about what my parents will say or their lectures...but I guess that comes with the package. I'll see what I can do (*cough*dare to drive*cough*). I just don't want to sit and let every day be like the day before. "See you on weekdays, call you on weekends". No.
Now it's time to go to the kitchen and see what's for lunch. It's only my 8 year-old nephew Javier and I from now on, and that's cool. Maybe I can get the creative juices flowing these days, too. I'll enjoy these two weeks and I'll try to make it worth at least a month.
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