Get-a-fuckin'-clue.
Thursday, 01/17/02 - 4:07 pm.

I saw Monsters Inc. last night...Mikey, marry me!!!! Unfortunately, it's sad that Pixar and/or Disney just couldn't come up with a better ending. Other than that, it's a great movie, in my humble opinion.

But before my brother Carlos took me to the movies, we went to Wendy's to talk about the college thing. I'll make it as short as I can. He said that everybody in the house will support me, no matter what my decision is. What I have to find out is why I really want to go, what I really want to do. He made me think a lot about my plans, and I came to the conclusion that I'll probably stay here next year. He's a psychologist so I think that kinda helped him to understand my situation. He never said "don't do it", just "think of what you're doing". He said that so far he hadn't seen any proof that I wanted to be an "artist", that maybe I'm going for it because it "draws my attention". Aside from that mr. Simeon, I've never seen anything that proves you want to do so. You don't make drawings, you never ask for materials...you don't make sketches. Yes, I do, I said. And he couldn't say a word after that.

And the secret was out. When we got home, at about 11 pm, I took out this huge box in which I keep all the notebooks filled with cartoons, since 1995. We'll check it out, he said. I told him I wanted to be a cartoonist. A real one.

He also said that my parents and I have gotten used to this cozy, safe life. I'm practically livin' a forced childhood, it's like I'm doomed to be a child forever. And that keeps me safe. And me being safe makes my parental units happy. End of story. I told him I'd noticed that, and that was one of the reasons why I wanted to leave. Independence. You need to get out more. Be a rebel. They'll have to accept it, sooner or later.

"Be a rebel". I've never done that. Because of the forced, cozy childhood I'm living in.

I don't know what I'd do withouth him. Carlos is the closest brother to me. He's the one he's leading me and encouraging me to grow up. I don't know what I'll do when he moves out.

Like I said yesterday, he called. And then he called again. And again. He said that I sounded distant, sad...did something happen over there?. No, nothing happened. And it was hard to convince him otherwise. Well, we talked some...what's up, blah, blah, blah, I was accepted back at school, blah, blah, blah, what did you do over there, yetta, yetta, yetta, doyouwanttobemygirlfriend, blah, blah, bl....oh, dude.

I happened to be bungee-jumping and trying to bash Major Mucus against the rocks -Earthworm Jim (and by the way, that level is my favorite)- when we were talking, so I was obviously kind of distracted. Despite that, it didn't surprise me that he asked me that. I knew that someday, if he was *that* desperate, he'd ask me out.

If someone hurts you once, it's his fault. If he hurts you twice, it's your fault. Oh, great. So I may wind up like the first time, and to top it off, it'd be my fault. I think being hurt by him has always been my fault. It's like when you hurt yourself with a knife. The knife made a wound, but you were holding the knife.....err, that's the idea. The thing is I'm a bit confused. I was hoping we'd forget about each other. Well, I thought he'd forget about me, so I thought that I should do the same about him. But evidently, that didn't happen. I'd have loved to say yes but...I'm not sure if he means it. I don't think he does. He asked if I wanted us both to be friends, friends-that-make-out or boyfriend and girlfriend. Duh...just friends.

- Him: Hey, do you happen to live near the Divine Providence (church)?
- Yours truly: I, um...[don't, don't!!!]...yes.
- Him: Like four blocks away?
- Yours truly: [careful, careful]...uh-huh.
- Him: There's a store near your house, right?
- Yours truly: [don't let him get closer...] Yessss...
- Him: Your porch is black?
- Yours truly: [bingo!] nope.
- Him: Sorry, I meant green.
- Yours truly: [*gasp of terror*]......uh....yeah.
- Him: See? I know where you live......Can I come over?

No fucking way!!! Ok, I tried to convince him that it'd be hell for me, courtesy of my parental units. Anyway, to make it short: we agreed we'd be just friends. Ok, then. I'll see you at school.

He'll see me at school. Which is going to be hell. Carmen is in and Veronica's boyfriend is out. So Veronica will have recess free. She'll want to spend it with me. So will Carmen. And him...I don't know. I think I love him. I really do (think). But if he wants it just because he needs a set of genitals to match his...that wouldn't be pleasant. Two weeks later he'd say that it's not working out. *sigh* I wish he meant it.

On happier, way happier news: AEROSMITH SENT ME A GREETING CARD AND A PIC FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

*deep sigh of dissapointment*...nah, not really. It was a greeting card for my birthday, with that pic. But not from Aerosmith. Funny thing, though, today is not my birthday. The message read:
There's only one reason why Aerosmith stops the show...
...and that's to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*painful sigh* I wish.

No wonder why my family doesn't ask me for what I want for my brithday anymore. I always ask for things that just can't be granted. Christmas and birthdays are not as magical as people make you believe.

...........

1984. Valentine's Day. Aerosmith gets back together. Later on, they go on the Back In The Saddle tour. Every place they play at is sold out, but Mtv never mentions a thing, except for when Steven passed out on stage and there was a riot because the show got cancelled. So, this is the beggining of the Mtv era and if you're not on Mtv you're nothing. FUCK MTV!!!! So...Steven is going into rehab. He goes out and relapses. He goes in again. Comes out and relapses again. One more time, he goes into rehab and after it, he, again, relapses. GET A FUCKIN' CLUE, GUYS! The rest of the band is doing drugs, too, how's Steven not to relapse? They just focus on him because he writes the lyrics. No lyrics, no songs; no songs, no album; no album, no tour; no tour, no-money. They're broke and doing drugs, trying to make a come-back.

...........

I just realized I wish too much. I'll go watch Shrek.

Happy Birthday, Jim Carrey!!!!! (Personally, I find the fact that Jim and Andy Kauffman were born on the same day quite strange.)

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