My last "first day of school"
Thursday, 01/24/02 - 8:35 pm.

I went to bed at 9:30 pm last night. Couldn't sleep until 12:30 am, yet I wasn't feeling nervous at all. Who do you blame for not getting any sleep when you actually want to sleep, anyway? Didn't drink coffee, counted all kind of animals, read a book, rolled over, switched bed (between mine and my nephew's, who's sleeping at his dad's place this week) listened to music...everything! I was so damn pissed off. I had to get up at 4:45 am.

You see, school starts at 7 am. I supposed I'd get picked up at 6:30. Usually, I'm ready by 5:30, if I get up at 4:45. And that way, I get some more time to do stuff around the house like doing an assignment I forgot to do or staring at myself in the mirror, having allucinations and trying to look as good as I can. Anyway...

My first surprise was to find out that Julieta, a classmate of mine and daughter of my school bus driver, got thrown out. Oh, well. For what Mrs. Rosey (the driver) says, she didn't give a fuck. But I believe that way deep inside of her, she regrets failing. Spending 11 years in a school, since pre-school and getting thrown out of it when it's only one year left to graduate is no laughing matter. But well...such is this poor, decrepit generation.

I got to school. Classroom D? Sure, classroom D. Most of my new classmates are total strangers to me....let's ssssssaaay.....97% of them? Yeah, that'd be it. So, going back to normal, there were periods when I was alone. Many people freaked out when they saw my hair: Oh, my God, you look so gorgeous, it looks beautiful on you....aw.

I'm standing there, next to the classroom door, waiting for our new coordinator, Hector (Fidel stayed in 1st year of High School) to open it, and I'm with Norman and Mars, who are in the same classroom as me, and with Veronica and Carmen (they both not talking to each other, of course) and the guy walks by...Is he repeting?, Veronica asked. We all know the story so let's jump the explanation: yes, he is. Well, he walks by, and to break the tradition of his behavior towards me in public...he totally ignores me (sarcasm, help me out here). Oh, wathever. Saw that coming, anyway.

Now, the damage: we used to be 39-40 people in each classrooms, four classrooms in total. Now, there are 25-27 people in each. Which means.....a lot of people got their asses out of school. Including my sweet friend Elisa, who'd call my name, adding Tyler at the end (*tear in left eye*). Shaq'a is still there. His "black-market" pals, Chicken, Satan and Chucky (now those are nicknames) are not. No more people from The Society, at least not from the "original", but I saw the "remainings" walking around, still together. My friend Monica, Lincoln's (Simeon's brother...yes, he does wear a top hat) huggest fan...she's gone, too. But you know, I didn't get along with most of the people who are gone now, so it's not that heartbreaking for me. It's just that I'd used to see them everyday.

What's indeed sad is the thing about my friend, Head....he's leaving for Canada around this time. It broke my heart to hear that. I was hoping we'd graduate together.

Ok, a brief description of my last "first day of school":

7:00: We went to our computer lab and OH-JOY! We have new computers!!!!! About time!!!! 20 GB, and each user has a password, so it's like every user of each computer gets his own chunk of hard-drive, knowing that his work will be private and safe.

7:45: Um, I can't remember what we had (yo, we just got a new schedule).....Oh, yes. Science: GO CHARLIE!!!!!! One of my all-time favorite teachers. He's so damn nice. I know he'll be like the father of our prom. He always "adopts" the prom.

8:30: Recess. Spent the first minutes all by myself. Whoo-hoo. My "in-a-crowd-of-people-you're-still-alone" life is back. Veronica gave me a letter (blah, blah, blah, you're my friend, I hope we won't get lost this year).

8:45: English, but instead we had mass. I felt sad, knowing that the guy wouldn't be up front playing the guitar. Forgot to mention, only high school started today. The rest of the school starts next week....so, it was just us, high-schoolers. Veronica cried over his dear boy, who got thrown out, too.

Good news....we finally got to use our beloved chapel. It had been closed since last year's first earthquake, because it was about to collapse. It looks beautiful now.

9:30: Recess. I kept bouncing off between Carmen and Veronica. I ran into Angelica and Phillip. It'd been so damn long since I'd talked to them, it was great. I missed them so much.

10:00: Social Studies. Oh, what a joyful lady we have as a teacher...NOT! As soon as she walked in, I fell asleep.

10:45: Math. Oh, God, I'm screwed. I'm fuckin' screwed.

11:30: Recess. I can't remember what I did.

11:45: Math again!!!!! I'll hate thursdays!!! Two math classes...and we're staying for afternoon classes (not today though, it was our first day). God, I just wanted to cry. Math is going to be awfully hard. Harder than ever.

12:30. Dismissed. Went home.

In the afternoon I called the guy. Eeeh, no big deal. How was your day, how was yours, etc. I must admit though, that for some outrageous reason, I miss him horribly and I feel the Senior Hall empty, knowing he's not there. And now I'm convinced that miracles have their own limits, too. He's in the same classroom as Norman's girlfriend, Claudia and it's like the lyrics to Aerosmith's "Make It": Misery enjoys company. At least he's not that alone (Claudia is repeating also. But she started repeating in 9th grade). As soon as we hung up, I thought how sweet he is, how much I love him, in some funny, wicked way, despite he keeps ignoring me and doesn't feel the way I do. Love sucks. At least the kinds of love I've lived so far. I guess my love chip, installed somewhere in my brain (feelings start in the brain, scientifics say) must be broken or something.

I'm terribly exhausted. My knees hurt. It's been years since my knees are achy. It must be the shoes and the now-in-the-garbage vegetating routine. Mom says I'm already feeling stressed. Geez, no kidding. Math alone gave me an emotional breakdown. I swear to God, I'm scared to death. Shit, I'm so fuckin' scared.

Shit, I'm so fuckin' vulgar.

I gave Dany the harmonica and hopefully tomorrow we'll jam together. He was looking so damn fine today. He kind of reminds me of Joey Tribbiani. He's got some, uh...something. I gave it to him and he said: "how much?"..."aw, you owe me nothing" and he gave me a sweet hug. He's so damn sweet. And society-less, I'm guessing. Then we walked together when we were dismissed and we kissed good-bye (in the cheek). Geez, he's such a crush to me. There's something that attracts me to him, without necessarily meaning that I'm in love with him. He's just a friend of mine. Speaking of friends...Melvin was accepted back in school but he didn't show up today. I miss him, I hope he goes tomorrow. Why is it that I get confused with those three guys? (Melv, Dany and the guy). Stupid love chip. I can't even have my hormones working properly. Err, maybe that's the normal phase around the teen age: Disfunctional hormones.

Oh, man. I wish I had some gay boyfriends. That way I wouldn't worry about falling in love or thinking I'm in love with them and viceversa. Hey, judging gay people is like judging someone with a different color of skin. Besides, if I had a lesbian friend that wouldn't mean that I'm lesbian too nor that she's attracted to me. The fact that a girl likes girls (romanticaly speaking) doesn't mean that she likes every damn girl that crosses path with her, it's like normal love, dammit. She sees somene she likes, that her likes her back, something clicks, and -quoting Calvin- KABLOOIE!!! Oh, well...maybe even if I had a gay (male) friend I'd get that confussed. Such are my stupid hormones.

Why am I suddenly talking about sexual tendencies, anyway? I must be getting disfunctional, too. I'll go to bed.

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