Saturday, 01/26/02 - 11:44 pm.
My nephew just hit me really hard in the stomach. I think I have a hole, whatever I eat will come out through it, oh, no!. Yeah, yeah, he's just 5 years-old but he's got hands, and therefore, he's got fists.
I edited the Cast page and I realized I'm not that antisocial. On the other hand, I still feel....*sigh*, uh, I don't know.
Perhaps my problem (and some other people's for sure) of being unhappy or feeling I'm missing something with people is two words: BUTs and IFs. But hey, if I had the right kind of people in my life, I wouldn't be blaming it all on me.
Just kidding. Kind of.
I'm a bit busy working on an essay...well, two. I love the ability to turn simple, dumb ideas into a spiderweb of complex paragraphs. I mean it, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Even my teachers at school say it: if you're going to talk crap in your essay, do it elegantly. In words of Calvin: the trick is to ask the right question. In words of either Winston Churchill or Woody Woodpecker: if you can't convice them, confuse them. I had this idea:
The importance of knowing and remembering our past it's learning our identity.
'cause you know, someone -I guess it was my last year's psychology teacher- said that what we were makes us what we are. Uh, that was the idea. Anyway, our identity has been shaped by our past. So, I started out with that idea. Oh, great. I'll turn in my homework: a one-line essay about past and identity.
Hey, there's two sides: the ability to turn simple, dumb ideas into a spiderweb of complex paragraphs and the ability to reduce long, complex ideas into a humble sentence.
Oh, well, I'm done with the first essay.
The reason a dog has so many friends: he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Aerosmith, "The Reason A Dog".
Ok, changing topic again...I finally found out what kind of person I'm missing...a soulmate. Shyeah, as if you've never wished for one, don't give me that look. You'll see, I feel so stupid for not realizing that simple word that describes a whole bunch of mixed emotions towards people. On the other hand, having in mind my family history, being clipped to a cardboard -as a matter of fact, I got the following conclusion that day- I think I also get the feeling of "leave me alone, I want to be independent". True fact, I don't want to be depending on anyone. And I'm not sure I'd like to have someone depending on me.
Love is stupid. I really don't want to give "my heart" to anybody, that's giving him the chance to break it. You give yourself and you're vulnerable, that person can do whatever he/she wants with it. Break it, rip it off...I find the plain idea of me giving all I am to someone kind of scary. On the other hand....I wish I had someone who'd accept and take what I am. I wish I had someone who I could finally accept and take for what he is. See? love sucks. I'm so fuckin' ambivalent.
Time to brush my teeth and head to bed!!! I have a live to live tomorrow.
Thank you, Cel!!! Good night, you 43% bitch, I love you!!! *Simeon waves furiosly with a tender smile*
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