Wednesday, 02/06/02 - 9:07 pm.
I want to call him. But the motherfucker is not home, and all I get is an answering machine. I have the stupid need of call him, just to check on his neck (he said he slept in a bad position and it hurts, he can't even turn around). I am so lame.
I wasn't late for school today. I got right on time. I had my math test....SHIT, I'M SO FUCKED. And so is everybody. It seemed so hard and it was hard. It's a bad, bad start for all of us.
I spent most of this day with Carmen and Phillip. We stayed after classes, in the afternoon, to work on our dear mascot design. It's shaping up pretty cool. Phillip and I worked on the parrot, and Carmen just tried to draw the effects we need. It felt so great, Phillip is an artist, a true professional. And we had a good time. We worked for about an hour, and our little baby is coincived. I hope people choose my design (well, now our design, because the three of us are working on getting it better drawn...*ahem*, the original idea was mine...just so you know *Simeon rolls eyes*).
At 9:16 a.m., the bell went off. Shit, what's wrong?, I went. The bell doesn't ring until 9:30, when it's time for recess. Then I realized it was an earthquake...I mean, we were simulating there was one. Everybody grabbed their notebooks and covered their head. We moved aside our desks and we walked out of the classroom, laughing. Then we went down to the courts, where we did some breathing exercises. It all took us about 15 minutes. It was pretty lame, it won't work if a real earthquake happens. Lame but fun, though. And I missed one science period.
In the afternoon, Carmen, Phillip and I were deciding where to work and they said the library. I didn't want to go there, but it was two to one. When we were in it, the bell went off again. It was the earthquake simulation for the afternoon students. *sigh*, we had to do it again. Only the three of us were from the morning students, and Sophie, a girl who works in the library, let us go to Julio's office. I toooold you, let's not go to the library.
Veronica didn't spend time with me, as she always says she will. She did come up to me and asked me how I did with my math exam, then hugged me. I noticed she was crying. I had to talk to someone who was walking by, so I just rubbed her cheek (to let her know that I did notice) and walked away. It's not fair that she only looks for me when she's crying. She probably was crying because she couldn't keep her promise of being with me though. Still, don't know, don't care. I saw her a couple of times with another group of girls, and I must admit I felt my heart slashed with a pocket knife.
[wait, I'll try to call the guy again...]
*3 minutes later*
*sigh*, the damn answering machine again.
Going on with the story of my kick-ass afternoon, I went to visit Julio's office. I was dismissed at 3:00 pm, but Carmen and Phillip would be dismissed at 4. So in the meantime, I talked to him. My guy's backpack was there, and when he got in to pick it up and say good-bye to Julio....he said good-bye to me, too...*Simeon's jaw drops*...HE FUCKIN' SAID GOOD-BYE TO ME!!! In Julio's office, with two of his best friends and Julio himself in. And he said good-bye to me *tear in left eye*. I am so lame....I love him.
Now, this morning, on the last recess, everybody stayed up in the halls, so there was an unusual number of people walking around, when usually, there's only a few. Everybody from Senior High was in there, talking in groups. I saw the guy coming out of nowhere. He was all alone. He went to "his" hall (it's still hard for me to get used to the idea that he's still a Junior) and laid on the floor. He looked sad. Somehow, I felt an infinite sadness in him. I wanted to cry. I so fuckin' wanted to cry. I'm sure it was so tough for him, seeing everybody from Senior, and he still being a Junior, when he was supposed to be with us. My heart broke. What was left of it, got crushed when I saw Elsy walking right up to him, talking to him and hugging him. *deep, painful sigh* At least someone was with him. I wished so much it'd have been me. I'd be with him, I'd tell him that Senior High is not the same without him. That is true, at least for me. And that's when I felt the urge of talking to him. And I've been wanting to call him ever since. Stupid answering machine...dammit, boy, get home already!!!!
[I'll try again...]
*5 minutes later*
Oh-so-fuckin' joy, I talked to him. His dad calls him "Robocop", because of his fucked up neck. Poor boy, his neck is so screwed up...he's got to exercise, take pills, place some ice somewhere for half an hour...geez, I've never heard of such pain in the neck. Aawww, man. I love him so much (I know, that's got not much to do with his neck, I just felt like saying it). Although at first he didn't even recognize who I was...he sounded quite...different. Happy, yes. But I mean...I don't know. He sounded "cheered-up", all sped up...I don't know. It must've been the pills. Now I'm thinking that maybe the sadness I thought he felt on recess, was nothing but the pain of his neck. I hope so. I hate the simple idea of him suffering, despite how many times I've been pissed off at him (and I must recognize that, most of the times, he's hurt me because I have let him). *deeeeep sigh*. I love him. I truly do.
Fidel and I had a talk today. We talked about loneliness and we got to a couple, Candy (that's her nick) and James. They've been together for two years or so. I told Fidel that I found weird that they've gone that long, they don't seem to be...I mean, it's weird, there's no compatibility. He told me that it's a one-way relationship...Candy feels so much love towards him, but he's just using her. That's what Dany told me once, I said. And it is true. Candy has this pathologic thing, according to Fidel...it's like a mother-son relationship, she takes care of his boyfriends, which includes doing their homeworks and such. She was with Chicky (Alejandro, the boy I've talked about a few times) in 8th grade, and he was using her, also. It's a pathologic thing. That's the kind of guy she'll marry. One she can take care of and one who will always be taking advantage of her. She also deffends his boyfriend, no matter how true it is what you say about him. She stops speaking to you. That's what happened with Fidel, just because he told her that James was a lazy student (which is totally true).
- Those relationships kinda make you be happy and even thankful for being alone, huh?, I said.
- Yeeeah. Yes, indeed, he said.
I'm having a lot of human contact lately. Saying "hi" here, saying "wazzzzup!!!" there...I love this feeling...I mean, being a Senior, doing all that shit for my prom...I'm happy of being where I am. Hector, the Senior High principal, and I are becoming good friends. I love my life. Despite my downs, I so fuckin' love my life.
Head is going to school tomorrow. It's really sad that he's leaving for Canada on march....forever. It's got me a little bit depressed, I'll miss him so much. Not to mention, everyone dreamed of him making a song for our prom, along with Shaq'a, to perform at our graduation party...I mean, he's such a charachter *tear in left eye*. Anyway, he's going to school tomorrow to visit us. And he's taking his girlfriend because....SHE WANTS TO MEET ME!!!!! She wants to meet the creator of Simeon's notebooks. Oh-ho, shit!!!! Simeon and I've got a fan!!!! Wait...*another* fan. Man, I love feeling this loved.
Veronica keeps slashing me, I have some problems...don't we all have? Mine are not that bad though. My life is just good....yeeeeh, there's always room for IFs and BUTs, conditions to be "happier", sucks to be me, I must admit it. But did I mention that my life is good? and hell, I'm a teenager! I think I'm supposed to say life's a bitch and sucks and shit....but it fuckin' rocks. I suppose that someone with such gift as it is a life like mine, has some kind of Divine Plan to accomplish in the future.
Now I'll just prepare to go to bed early. I can happily rest in peace tonight because I talked to my babe, just to check on him and he said thank you. But something's wrong inside of me, I can't quite put my finger on it....oh, wait, I got it. It's just a little detail: he doesn't love me.
prev / next