When you're high....you can only come down.
Friday, 02/08/02 - 6:19 pm.

I'll reffer to my last entry and finish that subject:

Yes, I was wrong.

Yes, it was just an accident.

Yes, I should be in a mental assylum.

Ok, today we had our "coexistence day". It was pretty cool, we played games and we threw balloons filled with water at each other. It's crazy shit, and I just loved it. We all laughed our asses off.

There was an activity, in which someone would play the blind person and someone else would be the guide. Now, the thing is...the one who sees, can't speak. The one who doesn't see, does speak (talks about him/herself). We both had our limitations, we both complemented each other. We had to choose someone we didn't know that well. It was my turn to choose a blind person, and I chose Sophie. She never knew it was me, and she talked and talked. We had a route and we had to make a code to communicate everytime there was an obstacle, such as steps or holes or whatever.

Then it was my turn to cover my eyes and be a blind person. Someone held me and guided me so well throughout the whole route. "We" talked. I asked him (I knew it was a him, because of his hands...male hands are thicker), among other things, if he liked rock music...he shook my hand (he was holding it) up and down with such emotion...I heard him laugh a couple of times, I know I was talking some weird shit, about planes and the bags to throw up in (I was saying I thought that those things didn't exist in real life, only in cartoons). Well, we finished after about five minutes. I took off the handkerchief and I knew it, it was Victor, the curly-top head. I knew it was him because of his laugh, because his girlfriend said hi to me on our way (I said I liked her a lot and he moved my hand up and down with such oh-joy...) and because he likes rock music, like Deftones and such. He hugged me and said yo' my sista!!!. We have some things in common. He looks almost exactly like the guy from That 70's Show...I can't remember his name, but he wears glasses and has curly hair.

In a few words, I think it's the best "coexistence day" I've ever had. I didn't get bored for a second and it was so dynamic, and we got some teachers to participate. Even Julio, our jesuit, danced with someone, and got asked out. His laughter is so unique. I loved the whole shit, specially the ballons part and how we all laughed and interacted.

In the afternoon, it was our Graphic Design Commission meeting. We showed our work...three different parrots aaaaand-uh...PEOPLE LOVED MINE THE MOST!!! Go, Segis (that's part of his name, kind of the nickname). We didn't decide which would wind up being the official mascot, but we're on our way. We need to get it done so fuckin' right away, so we can have our t-shirts done by St. Joseph's day (march 19th).

After the meeting was over, many people told me they loved mine *tear in left eye*. Anyway, these kids, Society remainers asked me to draw the parrot in a certain position: with a cigarrete, playing pool, an 8 ball and drinking beer. Yeah, you get the idea of what kind of people they are. Yet if you put aside their shallowness (which is kind of hard), they're so darn cool. I don't get along with them that much, but they're being friendly to me, so I'll be friendly to them. I think it's kind of stupid that you drink and smoke and go to play pool, even worse, everyfuckingday. But I'm not a good preacher (I hate "preaching", anyway) neither I'd convince them to stop doing so, so I just keep my distance.

Wait, credit is due: two days ago, Carmen bought me an apple pie from Burger King. I thought I should mention it. That was sweet. We're having a good relationship lately. We talk, we laugh, she's always offering me to buy me something from the cafeteria. She's a nice person.

Ok, I'll finish off saying that...I'm a bit heartbroken. Again, again, again I fell for that. I did find out that I was wrong about Melvin. He practically ignored me the whole day (maybe "ignore" wouldn't be the word), we didn't talk, he talked to girls (he knows every high school girl and most likely has made out with a lot of them)...I guess my relationship with him is less spectacular than I thought. It's just that last night I imagined everything I imagine doing with The Guy if he loved me (it was nothing XXX, FYI)...and with Melvin, it was such a different feeling. I knew he was doing that because he loved me, not because he wanted to have sex with me. Anyway...I think I just got confused, that's all. Right now, I feel I'm starting to see him again as a friend, and no more. Thank God, just a one-night-stand crush. Although...if he loved me, I'd love him back. I have that "potential" love for him. I don't know how the fuck I can control that, since I can't control myself the same way about the guy. The thing is, I feel that if Melvin fell in love with me (shyeah, that's gonna happen...), I'd fall in love with him, too.

He could've helped me get over The Guy. Well, he did help me (somehow) for these 20 hours. But now I'm fuckin' exactly where I started, though I must admit it was amazing while it lasted (hey, does that rhyme? I didn't mean it to...I am so lame): no guy for a while, all I could think of was Melvin. But now...as weird as it might sound, I don't think of him again, at least not with the love I felt last night. It's like I have this "emotional shield" to protect me against some things, I guess. But I'm alone again. No, it's not that bad. It's just not that good, either. You always wish for someone, right Simeon? *Simeon sticks up thumb*. I hate Valentine's Day, love sucks.

I didn't see The Guy that much today. Didn't think of him today. But I'm sure I'll fall for him again when he calls me or when I see him. I'm that crappy.

I'll see if I can find something to do with myself and try to forget everything. I'm not that hurt about finding out that everything I thought of Melvin was just a fake (I've been gone through that oh-so many times, I'm so stupid)...I'm hurt because I fell for it again, I'm mad at myself. I'm hurt because I thought I could count on something to bring me the someone who I could count on, always (does that make sense?). No, I'm alone forevermore. Aw, who cares....I'll deal with it.

I think I'll work on the design for the gang. I found my motivation.

Zip Gun John, his finger is itching
Oh, the lid's gonna blow up in hell kitchen's
It's an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
You're so ruthless when you fight
when the lightning strikes

Lightning Strikes - Aerosmith

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