Monday, 02/18/02 - 6:59 pm.
Math, math, math...I hate math. I got a bad grade at my first quiz. And today's...I'm praying for getting the one I need to pass this month.
I had a very paranoid day. Heck, no, I wasn't being paranoid. I was just being distrutful. I was suspecting of everybody and really didn't want to talk to anyone. All I could see around me it was a fake...the places, the people, their smiles...everything was fake. Like being in The Matrix, knowing that you're in it and that everything is just what they want you to believe.
The truth only terrifies those who fear their manipulations discovered.
I don't know who said it, but I liked it....ok?
Well, tomorrow is the election of our mascot. And I did another drawing, much better than the other ones. In my humble opinion, the other ones lack creativity, class, emotion and animation...I mean, they suck. This one sucks, too. But it sucks better than the rest. Instead of studying about Chris Columbus and his big fuck-up of "discovering" America (it was actually discovered by Americo Vespuccio...I pity Chris, he was two weeks away from discovering the real deal -the continents, not the islands-), I kept working on the parrot design, I'm so lame. I have another exam tomorrow...shit, I have one everyday for the rest of the week.
Add to that, that I've been getting phone calls, from Rod, Norm and the guy. The first two, pure academic subjects. The guy...uh, too. He wanted to do it -typical- but I said no, fuck you, go to study. Ok, I didn't say "fuck you". I did help him with sentence structures and such, I was so happy I got to help him. I get the feeling sometimes we sound like a real couple. Shyeah, uh-huh.
My hand is still fucked up. I think it's the nerve. I wore a handkerchief today, I looked like Marsupilami, or however that name is spelled. No more on that subject, just wanted to comment and pay tributte to my left hand.
Other news...Norm brought me a cool bracelet from Guatemala. And also gave me a little Valentine's Day letter. Aaawww, he rocks. And talk about sweet gifts...Domingo, my last year science teacher, burns CDs. According to him, that's the National Sport (it's true, I guess). Anyway, one day we were talking about rock music, obviously, Aerosmith. I told him that I didn't have Aerosmith's Big Ones on CD. Well, today, he gave me something, a CD, he created with his "new toy" (you should see his smile when he talks about it...he looks like a kid on christmas). He didn't tell me what it was about though. I had to come home to find that out...I put it on...and it was Big Ones!!!!! Shit, that was so sweet of him!!! He gave it to me, not even charged anything (apart from being a Sport...uh, let me put it this way...if you're an athlete, you get paid). Out of the goodness of his heart, he gave it to me. I can't believe it.......that's so fuckin' sweet of him!!!!!!! I'm still thinking of giving him something in return. He took his time to burn me a CD, just because I didn't have that one on tape....can you feel your heart shrinking of tenderness? *tear in left eye*. He rocks. He's not the typical teacher...actually, most of times it doesn't seem he's a teacher.
I had a dream. Melvin came over to study and we wound up making out. How dumb. No, it was not properly making out, we were watching TV, he put his arm around me and kissed my ear (I'm ambivalent on this one). It's kind of weird, Norman did pretty much the same to Veronica today...I mean, kind of: he hugged her from behind and kissed her ear...she was crying, I have not a clue why, don't ask. Did I mention that they were lovers in 8th grade? Well, they weren't. I mean, they had some sexual tension going on, kissing necks and shit, but nothing serious. I thought they were back in the saddle again today. But no, he was just comforting her. I know, it's weird. But at school, almost everybody kisses (arms, faces but no lips, unless it's the significant other, of course) and hugs everybody...I get the feeling...uh, nevermind that. I say *almost* because I don't...ok, just a few times.
Yeah, completely missed the point...shit, Melvin and I. That's ridiculous. I thought it was funny though. When I woke up, I didn't know where I was, or what day it was, all I was thinking of was us in the couch watching TV, with his arm around my shoulders. Then I landed in reality and remembered it was monday, february 18th, 2002, and I had an important math exam in a few hours. Then I felt like the other day, totally pointless, with nothing to live for. *sigh*.
Hey, according to our classroom's calendar, today is St. Simeon's Day, how funny. *Simeon jumps up and down*....Way to go, Sime!!!! You rock!!!!
I feel I'm wasting everything I've got. I'm being wasted. Yesterday I thought that many 17 year-olds are something already. I am not. I want to get out of me.
I'll go have supper, then take a bath, then study...shyeah, as if you cared.
Maybe tomorrow everything will look fake again. Hey, what is something looks fake but in reality is not? Is it still fake, although it looks fake but it is not? It's kind of fake, because it looks fake....you get the point.