Thursday, 02/28/02 - 7:04 pm.
Sorry, I still won't fix my HTML. But I will, someday, in a near future.
Veronica gave me a letter today. Thank you for your hug, you have no idea how much it helped me. Aw, well. I don't know why everybody says that when I hug them. The bottom line of the letter (besides thanking me) is that she's got a problem and wants to talk to me about it. She said when I hugged her, she felt confident because...yo, that's me, anyone can trust me (*Simeon claps*). It's something that's "hurting her and the more she tries to bury it, the more she hurts herself". Man, who knows what it is. It's cute that she looks for me and trusts me, I just wish she would've been for me when I needed her.
But anyway, something got into her and I spent with her the whole long recess. She took me to the new school cafeteria, which is pure quality (*Simeon sticks up thumb*). Unfortunately, I'm too lazy to walk through the volleyball court everyday. I'll stick to the old cafeteria. We didn't talk about anything serious, we just had a good time together.
Hands down, Aerosmith won nothing at the Grammy Awards. Sadly, I don't think they deserved it, let's face it. Jaded is nothing compared to Back In The Saddle, give me a fucking break. The boys can do much better than that. Angel's Eye was a pure rocker, and it was done a few years ago, and they were sober. Probably drugs helped them a lot with creativity and such, but if they wanted, they could come up with another real rocker, like Pump was.
Today when the bell rang for recess, I was walking out of the classroom and whoops...a few centimeters more and The Guy and I would have crashed into each other's arm. Who cares, I'm not that desperate, I didn't even went "rats!" or something like that (crappy expressions), meaning that I wished it'd have happened. I just said, whoa, hey. He whoa-hey'd back. When I sat in the hall to read Veronica's letter, he walked by, whistled and said hi to me. Sweet, very. Other than that, the same old coincidences. I mean, we're always near each other, he always stays in the afternoon when I do...but it's pure coincidence, a way of fate to laugh at me. But guess what, fate...I'm not that in love with him, you can lock me up with him in a room, I won't die for not talking to him. Conclusion: we just happen to be friends, I've learned to accept that *Simeon claps*. I love him, I do. But I'm learning to live with it.
I had the most...undescriptable math class I could ever....shit, I'm speechless. I never felt so confused, so helpless, so tired, so sick, so frustrated. I got a headache in my stomach (it felt that way, and later on, I did get a headache AND a stomachache...the stomachache lasted the whole afternoon, dammit), I wanted to cry, I needed a hug so bad. When I got out of the classroom, I looked for arms wide open, and I found several, all of them were open for me, but none of them gave me what I wanted. It was weird. But I felt very well taken care of, because Cel, Mars and other people were holding me, hugging me...because, fuck, I was going through some major psychological (90 minutes of math, Jesus!!!!) and physical torture. And tomorrow is the exam...thank God what we saw today won't be evaluated.
I had lunch with Fidel, in the green tables zone. It's so nice to be with him. That place is so peaceful and quiet, surrounded by HUGE trees. We talked about many things...he even shared some of his food with me. I told him about my theory of loving just to be loved, and he said: yeah, yeah! definitely, you're totally right!. We both have had hard times with relationships (well, him more than me)...we love our freedom, and it's pretty hard to find someone who understands that, because love (at least all of the kinds I've known of) is selfish. Maybe is not "love", maybe it's the people who fall in love. They have the wrong concept.
We also talked about Nayda. She is very mature, and only 15. She's way ahead of her time. She promised him she'd arrive at 1:00 p.m., and indeed, she did and joined us both. She's someone you can trust. I told Fidel that it's a shame she's not a senior, she would have been my best friend, she's like my reflect in so many ways. Fidel said we are a great couple. She's going on retirement next week, from thursday to friday. I told her it'd be great if I could go with her...to make it short, she said she'd try to convince Karla to let me go. Karla would convince Hector (the Senior high principal) and he'd ask Fidel if that was ok. Of course, he'd say it's ok, because...hey, it's me. I mean, we came up with a big plan, though I'm not sure if I should go. Maybe not. Nayda and I have also been talking about switching places...she'd take my classes and I'd take hers. We're both going crazy. I stayed with her for a few minutes before dad picked me up. She is one great individual.
Pablo (a member of The Society) gave me some candy. Out of nothing. Very cute of him. We really don't talk, only say "hi" if we happen to run into each other. People, emotionally speaking, have a lot of potential. It's a shame they choose to shut off their common sense and be stupid because it's "cool". Who said it was cool, anyway? Their stupidity is making them see things the wrong way and, even worse, to like what they see, just because it looks "cool".
The sky has been so damn beautiful lately. The moon is full, I see it every morning (and night, of course), coming from behind the volcano, while in the opposite direction, an orange sun is coming from behind the twin mountains. The clouds are like slashes, or like a trail left by a supersonic plane...by hundreds of supersonic planes, they're spread all over the sky. I love it. I'll gladly get a neck-ache just to look up to it.
I have to go. Time for supper and study...Simeon is the featured chef for tonight, and we'll be having microwave meals. *Simeon puts on a chef hat*. Man, I miss the Houston days.