The favorite fella.
Wednesday, 04/03/02 - 9:00 pm.

Today was yet another day of me smiling like a retarded. Actually, I was having up and downs every two minutes with 18 seconds (that's an average). My obese girl was having a blast with my constant mood changes....aawww, it's good to be enjoyed.

Art gave me a little note, asking for a bit of time (actually, the whole half-hour recess) to be with him. Of course, I said yes. Yes, we were together the whole recess, eating Oreos and grapes. We went to the cafeteria and to the restrooms together (I mean...he went to the Boys', I went to the Girls', but we walked each other). We talked about anything. I mentioned that I'd love to have a gay friend, a la Will & Grace. We discussed a bit on the subject, then...silence....
- so...what's up with you?, he asked.
- Me? Oh, no. I'm straight.
- Hehehe... (he laughs like Beavis, oh-so-very-cute), I's your love life?
- Ha.

"Ha"? Yeah, "ha". Not "HA!"...just "Ha". I only said that I've had no good luck. I didn't tell him about the two guys that liked me and the two guys I liked, I told him that'd be other day. I think I will, I trust in him. I love having him as a friend. I mean, it's a real friendship. I love him, and his friendship is cole. Er, cool. You see, his gang say cole, instead of cool. I've said it, they have their own language. Anyway...I have this simple, plain, pure, beautiful friendship with Art, and I'm loving every minute of it.

Heck, there was a seism this afternoon, at about 4:00 pm. I'm guessing it was 4.3 richter. After the january 13th and february 13th earthquakes (last year) it seemed that everybody was an expert when it came to describe the motion of the ground and its intensity. Quite an experience, if I do say so myself.

Another little person that I love so much is the obese girl. She's so skinny, like Olive Oil, only prettier, cuter, sweeter, etc. I call her Obese. The perfect way to describe her?...She's Jesse, from Toy Story II. THEY'RE THE FUCKIN' SAME! Even physically. She laughs and goes: Oh, you're so sweet! everytime I say something that makes her laugh, and that happens...about every sentence I say to her. Simeon says I seem to have this gift to be 24/7 funny only to certain people. Anyway, before the little seism, her, Sophie, Adriana and yours truly were sitting next to Julio's office talking about reptiles and mice. It was so damn hilarious. I won't repeat what they said, because you should've been there. I was laughing my ass off, and I love to do that. I love her so much.

Another big thing: Fidel and I spent time together, from 4:00 to 6:00 pm. Gosh, what a conversation. Well, sometimes we'd just shut up and watch everything around us, sharing our loneliness-es, because that's what we really do. His loneliness keeps company with mine and viceversa.

He went like this:
- Hey, hi! How are you?
- What do you mean "how are you?"? Do you really care? Do you really feel the need of asking me that?.
That definitely breaks up the ritual.

We were talking about reflexes on humans. Everybody always ask you "how are you?", and you just answer "fine". Why? Because it's a reflex, like Pavlov demonstrated with mice. After saying hi, you have to ask how that person is. And that person has to answer "fine" or "so-so". A different answer for the question will break the scheme of the conversation. And of course, if you answer "bad", they'll ask you "why", although they really don't care about listening, at least not to the whole thing. And you definitely don't feel like explaning why, because you know that, you know they don't care.

Also, we talked about masses. How mindless they are. If all of the student body one day refused to go to class after the bell rang...what would be the punishment? They're too much people to be punished Fidel said. He's got a point. We're the mayority. They wouldn't be able to do anything to us. BUT...for such thing to work, the group needs to be really organized, something that no way-in-fucking-hell happens in that damn school. Masses are brainless.

Two girls of last year's Seniors were "accused" of being lesbians. Fidel told me about them, I'd heard about that. I figured it'd be a hoax. But their lives were miserable, and they both cried very often, because of what people said about them. It's a sad story, it almost made me cry. No, Fidel. I'm not lesbian. She's just my best friend, that I love so much, one of the girls used to say, with tears in her eyes. Truly sad.

Well, I really couldn't explain all of the stuff we talked this afternoon, it's too much. But it's so...fuck, profound.

- Me: Do people ask you what's with your love life?
- Fidel: Ha! Yeah! Constantly!
- Me: And when you tell them nothing happens they say "I don't believe you!"?
- Fidel: All the time. People love getting into others' life. They want you to tell them, for this or that reason.

Often, we both have the same experiences.

I've been downloading some The Strokes/The Hives/The White Stripes music, and I'm falling in love with them (of course...AEROSMITH'S FUCKIN' #1, BABY!!!). Allow me to recomend you some stuff (click on the link and it'll start's from The Hives, give it a listen).

Ok, now onto something that's been bugging me....

I had a dream with, not the guy...just to say a couple of things about him, though: Fidel says he's kinda slow, he's in serious danger because he's doing the same shit he did last year, and instead of focusing on improving his grades, he keeps chasing girls. He was after Nayda. Oh, very smart, kid. Oh, you're a babysitter, he said to me when he saw me babysitting Javier during lunch (Nancy picks him up at about 1:00 pm). I don't mention this because "aww, I love him"...I just felt like.

Anyway, I was saying...I dreamed of him, the one I've been looking for. In my dream, I finally found, wait...he found me. I won't describe the dream (yeah, as if you cared), but I don't remember his face, all I remember is that his polo t-shirt (just like the ones of our prom) had a little Snoopy on the front, that I noticed when he was trying to hold me. But believe me, when I woke up, I was...well, pissed off, because it was a dream, and it didn't feel like it at all. I was with him, he'd found me. But that's just dumb, it'll never happen, not in a near future. I'd better not listen to Hotel Yorba again before I go to bed, I think that's what caused that dream.

'cause if I'm the man that you love the most
you can say I do at least
Well it's 1,2,3,4
take the elevator at the Hotel Yorba
I'll be glad to see you later
all they got inside is vacancy
and it's 4,5,6,7 grab your umbrella
grab a hold of me 'cause I'm your favorite fella

So, yeah...I dreamed of finding my favorite fella. I'm so dumb, those things never happen to you. Well, they might happen to you, because you're not me.

*Simeon nudges yours truly* Of course you're my favorite fella, Simeon! I meant somebody who wasn't related to me. *Simeon claps*

We watched Cinema Paradiso on language class. Beatiful movie. I reccomend it.

People see happiness as something that resides in the future, Fidel said, when I brought up the happiness topic.
Poor losers. I am happy.

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