Feeling cozy, down in the cellar.
Monday, 04/22/02 - 6:53 pm.

Today I helped Melvin to study english. My hour with him, made clear all the feelings I have for him�I love him. I love him like a...son? Weird stuff, but it's true. I realized I look over him like a mom. He was very hungry, but didn't want to eat. I tried to convince him to buy something from the cafeteria.

We talked about his relationships. My God, he's got a harem (however you spell it). He is really good looking so that's easy to understand. It's funny all the stuff he tells me about "his" girls. Hey, she�s my ex...no...no, no, no, we were never together...what we had was out of the legal stuff.... Despite all that, he's one of the smartest and most helpful people I know. He's got a heart of gold, and I'm glad I'm his friend and he considers me "his angel" (he told that to a couple of her girlfriends, because I'm often helping him out).

We also went on the scholarship subject. He wants to be a doctor, a pediatrician. I'm encouraging him to take english classes, or else he'll end up with a title, but working at McDonald's. He's got a lot to give to the world. And he's willing to. Only, as he himself pointed out, is very lazy. I should work on that one.

- Me: Son, you must eat something.
- Him: Ok, ok...I will. I promise I will, after I finish this....mommy.

He did.

I had some sort of good-bad day. The first period was terrible, but it picked up when I was practically ovationaded by my classmates. Since the beggining of the year, we've been asked several times to make signs with our names on and hang them on the classroom wall. I�m the only one who made it, and they clapped. I sort of felt embarrassed. True, I want to be famous...but I obviously can't stand that much of attention.

I must say, though, that I was sort of proud of what I'd done with it...my name with Aerosmith font, behind the Aerosmith logo, with a background that reminded of zebra stripes and ocean waves at the same time. Vic said I turned bright red. I don't doubt it.

Then it became horrble, when it was time to have our math test. I failed. I successfully failed. I've got zero. That's it, zero. Nothing. I'm very discouraged. It was ony four problems...somebody shoot me.

I got my report card today. I passed every subject this period, even math. I even got a "congratulations! You're an outstanding student!" letter, from the principal himself. The guy everybody's scared of. He's the one who chooses who goes and who stays. He knows you. He's always behind your back.

Everybody in the house wants to give away my cat. Fuck you, I don't. She's mine. Not even that, she's not even mine. You can't give her away.

I was praised at one Aerosmith board (my favorite one, the one I "moderate") for sounding very mature for my age. Aww, thank you very much. Like someone said, "it must be my great taste in music".

Despite I felt very loved today, I also felt ignored and lonely. Besides, I don't care for The Guy anymore. I'm not trying to see him, I'm not trying to be seen by him. I just sit on the last corner of the hall, where no one goes, and I blow bubbles.

Guess what...? I got to hear the Aerosmith performance from the Icon show. I got to hear "Girls of Summer" and...I'm a bit disappointed. It sounds like Jaded.

MtvLa is already playing the commercial...I�ll watch Icons!!!!!!!! "coming soon". Oh, fuck, Oh, fuck...also, on their website, they have a poll with all of their videos...CHIP AWAY AT THE STONE!!!!! BLIND MAN!!! LET THE MUSIC DO THE TALKING!!!!!! SWEET EMOTION!!!! Holy fuck, REAL GEMS!!!! But I'm sure people will be so stupid they'll vote for Jaded, "...miss a thing" and crap like that. So if you wanna give me a hand�.click here. the site's in spanish, but you can't get lost. Vote for the rare stuff, please!!!! Help me breathe.

Also, I heard their rendition of the Spiderman theme...I'M ASS-LESS!!!! It fucking rocks!!! Who could believe it's the same band that wrote Jaded...I'm a bit disappointed on Tyler's vocals though...too soft. Now this time the LI3 ("Less Interesting 3" �Brad, Joey and Tom-., I hate that name) and Joe took the spotlight.

I think it's safe to say my clit got hard.

Getting back to reality, I did feel loved. God did show me some love. But I'm not too crazy about it. I mean, it's sort of useless...most of the times, I'm left alone. I'm ignored. But...you just can't have it all. I'm famous.

I have to go.

Safe complainin'
'cause everything's rotten
go insanin'
and ain't a thing forgotten
feelin' cozy
rats are in the cellar.

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