What's with today, today?
Wednesday, 05/01/02 - 6:29 pm.

May. 5th month of the year. -8th month if you count backwards, as in the (x, y) plane and its angles.

Someone said that Steven Tyler is roundin' up talent for his solo project (first he went onstage with Guns n' Roses two nights ago, and then with Atomic Punks). He's going on a solo project, did you know? Yes, you do. I just told you. I'm not sure about it...I mean, I'm happy for the boy, he's full of talent and that means I'll hear about him for a long time but...what about the band? They need to throw in some real rock & roll before they call it quits.

Two years ago, I could've cried for hours by the single idea of this band retiring. But...someday it's going to happen *tear running down cheek*. I think it's called "maturity"..."maturity" as in not living in denial.

I've been desperately trying to call the guy. That's a pathetic statement that I'm not ashamed of mentioning. Because it's not true. The truth is I tried to call him twice. He's not home, and I don't care. I think I don't love him enough to want to pick up the phone, dial and ask if he's home.

I hate making phone calls.

Today's position on the Aerosmith Top 10: #7 Hole In My Soul. That's a rare video, despite it's relatively "new". I have it on tape, but it's screwed. Oh, surprise. The one I'm taping on is, too. Is that a surprise, anyway? 90% goes wrong in my life when it comes to Aerosmith.

And that's all that happened. I wanted to get my hair cut but I couldn't. I was hoping I'd be able to go. If there's something worse than not expecting anything, is expecting something and it not happening at all.

I was alone from 10:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. To tell the truth, I was wishing the guy would come. But then I'd imagine him here...I wouldn't be calm. I was better off without him, not worrying about someone coming home unexpectedly and finding him here.

Simeon called me down again about it. Don't fuckin' sell out, my dear bitch. I'm sensing I should be pissed off. He's pissed off, and he shouldn't be, because he doesn't exist. Oh, but he is. He's hiding something from me.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Neither on friday. Neither on saturday (yes, it's now part of my academic routine to go on saturday to a sad 2-hours math class). What I'm unfortunately trying to say is that I don't want to go to school for an indefinite time. Not until I find a reason, a purpose to go. Today was a very purpose-less day, but I was ok with that. Why do I need a purpose for today, other than enjoy the day?....the sad part is that I didn't enjoy it, because I was looking forward to go get my hair cut.

It wasn't a bad day. But I wish...something good happened. I wish Simeon could bring a piece of the Astral Plane for me to play with. He gets to do it. If I didn't exist, I'd do it, too. But no, I have to be down here, looking for a purpose, a reason to get outta bed tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after. I may not find it. On the other hand, I may.

Oh, the possibilities.

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