Saturday, 09/29/01 - 10:58 a.m..
Oh, God, my heart is going to explode.
Well, I didn't write these past days because...wait, do I need to explain? my aunt died and I was sort of busy being with my dad. Poor daddy, her little sister dies three days before his 65th b-day.
Ok, I guess a lot of things happened this past days, but I can't remember. Let's see...thursday...I can't remember...oh, yes, my SE presentation...I talked for about 5 minutes from the podium, althought I wasn't quite sure what I was saying. But people liked it. Then, my math exam. We (it was a group exam) did better than the last time...but I think that's not enough for the final grade. I guess that's all. I didn't see Carmen (we ignored each other, saying it more properly) nor Veronica.
My mom picked me up at 3:30. Mom never picks me up. So I knew something terrible happened. Dad couldn't pick me up 'cause my aunt just had died. I went to the "mourning" at night and met some people I didn't even remember. Going to funerals is weird. It reminds you that life goes on for the ones who stay. You hear jokes. You see relatives you never see...you drink coffee. It has its happy side, I guess. You also feel the kindness of people, which is really important. Talking about people, we were studying this in psychology yesterday: friendship, psychologically called "social support". It helps you having people around, feeling that you're not alone and stuff. Really cool. But I won't go deeper with death and social support, not now. Although I thought a lot about them.
Ok, that's one of the big deals that happened to me. The death of my aunt. The other one happened yesterday night. But let's start from the morning....I was all alone the whole time. No, wait...yes, I was alone. I had some fights with Cory during the day, just playing. He is such a sweetie. Always hugging girls. But it's not the foxy guy. He's really sweet and he does it in a friendly way it. We were holding hands and talking when the guy passed by. Then I kept seeing him the whole day. But not big deal. I can't remember what else I did.
Anyway, the bell rang and we left school...yeah, I was thinking "yay". I was on my way to the "quarter" (there are two entrances to school, and one of them has the address "25th south av.") and then I heard this sweet whispering behind me: "why are you rushing, young lady?" It was him. Holy fuck, it was him. He asked me why I hadn't call him (maybe in 3 or 4 weeks), I said I had my reasons, but that I'd call him after exams. Next friday, that is. Then we went our separate ways.
I rushed upstairs and there he was again. He said he now takes the bus to go home....holy-double-fuck...that means I'll see him everytime his and my classes finish at 12:30...only two days a week (three on the exam weeks), duh. But that's something. I gave him a paper hat before I left to my bus. He showed me the key to his house, saying he'd be alone the entire afternoon...he *ahem* invited me. But I said no. I'm in love but I try to keep my common sense. Althought one thing excludes the other.
Well, I got home, I went to the funeral (seeing my daddy cryin' broke my heart..I had never ever seen him cryin' and it was fuckin' sad). I got home...and I couldn't help it...I picked up the phone and called him. He was home alone again. The bottom line of the conversation...I kept him away from talking about sex (I finally did it! I fuckin' did it!).
He had his moments but I said I wasn't in the mood. He even asked me for my phone number...he asked me to go to school this morning. "nah, I'll study at home"..."who said we're going to study?"...ok...
He told me he's doing bad with the grades. I don't want him to get kicked out of school. But he's about to. So I offered my-in-love-self to help him studying english. I hope he doesn't stand me up on thursday. We'll study at school, after classes...he wants to come over but...no way. Later, he asked me to go on chat, but we never got to talk. He called me later (9:30)...wait, I just realized HE called ME...I mean, I do know he called me, but I hadn't realized it. Ok, HE called ME and said he couldn't make it. Then I had to hang up 'cause I was in my brother's bedroom. The fuckin' wireless phone ran out of batteries and we're using a wire one. It's not long enough so I had to stay in my brother's room.
He said I got him all heated up...I screwed his hormones...he wanted me...all that crap, which I happen to love listening to. We hung up. I felt so stupidly happy. I mean...I felt in love, very much. And up to the present time, still do. I couldn't help thinking of him. I made up so many plans with him. That maybe if I try to get next to him, instead of trying to keep distance, he'll feel the same for me...but I doubt it. Now it's hard to convice my-poor-in-love-self that that is really not happening. I'm not really 'happy' 'cause he really doesn't love, but I'm flattered that at least I attract him in some way...and that may be a beggining (shyeah, right.......Damn bastard, I love him).
Ok, maybe I'll write later. Maybe not. Who knows. Maybe as soon as I stop writing as a fuckin' teeny-bopper.
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