What is the story and what's been going through ya...
Friday, 05/10/02 - 7:26 pm.

I cry everyday. At least once a day. Because the crowd is just so funny, I laugh so hard that tears run down my cheeks. Oh, the crowd that walks in circles..., I said, and Stephanie bursted. I love making Stephanie laugh. She's the funniest girl of the classroom and making her laugh so hard it's quite an accomplishment for me.

My life in that classroom it's a rush of endorphines. I don't want this time of my life to end.

Recess, on the other hand, is pretty dull, since I have to be alone. Well, on the half-hour recess, I was with the obese girl: you're leading me to bankrupcy, obese...I'm eating too much. We went to the cafeteria, bought some snacks and one soda. I'd always wanted to buy soda to share it with someone. And we just walked together and talked crap. Well, not everything was crap: I guess Stephanie (*her* Stephanie, not my classmate)is changing me for someone else. For some reason I was at a loss of words when I heard this. I knew how she felt, because I do know how it feels. But I couldn't say a word.

Oh, yeah...Mtv Icons. Mtv sucks, you know? yes, you do. First off, they shamelessly left out Ray Tabano, Jimmy Crespo and Rick Dufay, and that alone disgusted me. Papa Roach sucked. Shakira sucked (I used to like her, when she wasn't fake): she could've done great but I thought the voice she used didn't suit the song. As usual, Mtvla trying to suck even more, cut out the X-ecutioners performance and the David Spade thing. But that's ok. I know for a fact that they both sucked. I hate David Spade....THEY SHOULD'VE BROUGHT WAYNE AND GARTH!!!!

But I cried, I was so touched. When Metallica spoke...that was it. James Hitfield pretty much sums up what I feel about the boys. You could see they DID know what they were talking about. Train did an excellent job, so did Kid Rock and Pink. She can hit the notes I always die to hit, so she's got my sympathy. My favorite part on Janie's Got A Gun is: she said 'cause nobody believes me/the man was such a sleaze/he ain't nEEEver gonna be the saa-aaa-aaAAAAA-MMEEE. And what's in caps is the high notes, the ones that I can't hit.

Despite some details, I for one -having in mind I'm an Aerosmith lemming- loved it, to say the least. Movin' Out and Train kept A Rollin'...that was worth everything. One string on Joe's guitar broke when he was playing backwards, did you notice that (*clears throat* have you even watched the show?)? Gotta love the boys. I'm taping it again.

Today it was the deadline. Today it was the last day for me to give the principal the money to pay the field trip I've talked so much about. And I didn't. I'm not going. I'll be honest, I do feel something inside of me that's trying to make me regret it...read carefully: it's trying to make me regret it. I don't regret it. But it's that voice. The voice of all the people that told me to go, because, hey, it's gonna be fun, after all. But I don't want to go. It is going to be fun, but besides that, I don't have any motivation. "Fun" could be enough of a motivation, but I have things that discourage me and they totally eclipse the "fun" factor.

I did think about it carefully, but I have three recesses on a normal day (with no classes in the afternoon) and most of the times I get to spend them all by myself. I wondered and wondered whether I should go or not, feeling I was practically living the answer...one thing is in the classroom, when the 27 of us are all together and fuck around and another thing is going to the countryside, the 110 of us, where everybody goes their own way with their gangs and have a great time...I don't have a "gang", not even a partner.

And honestly, I'm beggining to notice that those precious moments I live are (I find them) often of less value because I don't have anyone to share them with. No matter how beautiful is the spiderweb I see, there's no one around I could ask to come over and see it, hoping that this person would enjoy seeing it as much as I do.

People are caught up in their own spiderwebs.

I want to stay home. And draw. And talk to Simeon. And imagine. And create. And come up with something. I don't know what, just something. Something that still doesn't exist.

And try to sneeze without closing my eyes.

Today's Mommy's day, at least here. I love my mommy. I love my mommy. I love my mommy. I love my mommy. Sometimes she gets on my nerves but I love my mommy, and I publicly want to thank God for giving me my mommy *Simeon claps*.

Geovani's classes have rocked our asses off. He's put us to sleep. Ok, little bugs, lay on the floor. He puts on this elevator music that's just so good...and we fall asleep. Well, it's just for relax, but some do fall asleep. I was lying next to Vic and I heard him snore softly. Geovani says that the body only needs five minutes to rest. So before we start studying, we should take a little nap, or even just close our eyes for a while and clear the mind. Have you studied with that kind of music as background? It does help on concentration. We read faster, we understand better, we focus more. I suggest to try this whole shit out. It's so damn good.

And that'd be all. I have social service tomorrow, and I'm less than thrilled.

We all live on the edge of town
where we all live ain't a soul around...

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