The only monday, october 1st, 2001 in History.
Monday, 10/01/01 - 6:23 p.m..

I woke up this morning, barely thinking about my math exam. I felt this "it's the three last months of the year" breeze. Cold but in a certain way, warm. It gets me all nostalgic. I arrived to school. Took the exam. I thought I did well. I heard I didn't. All of my answers were wrong, for what people was saying. It brought me down. Fuck, and I was so happy. So I went to the school's bookstore and bought me an eraser to cheer me up. Then I was happy enough to stand Carmen but she didn't show up. Well, we saw each other but I guess she's now pissy about me running away from her lately....all the things you do, come back to you....

Ok, I face it. It was my fault after all. But after we waved I thought that it was better that way. Suddenly I felt like being alone again. I was feeling fuckin' down. Later I found out that I didn't do that wrong in the exam. It cheered me up again. Bell rang...recess. I sat down and the guy sat next to me. He said he won't be able to study with me on thursday...thank God and dammit!!!! because he told me today and not on thursday (that'd have meant he stood me up)....and because that broke my heart. It was tough. But don't say we didn't warned myself. Ok, here's another brighter side. I don't have classes thursday afternoon. So since I'm not staying to help him studying, I'll have the afternoon off. Fuck, I want to stop thinking he likes me. He fuckin' does not.

That was first recess. Second recess...I talked to Fidel. Long time no talk to him. He's gonna take me out of my english class next wednesday to talk. We love talking to each other. I guess he's the only one I can really talk to. I told him about my aunt's death. He and I agreed how fragile life is. How everything is dangerous. Every fuckin' thing. Even when you're typing in the computer, maybe your chair will break down, you'll fall down, hit your head and die.

Ok, that was the second half of my second recess. Carmen went her separate way again and didn't see her. The first half...I just watched people. And started thinking about that "someone similar to me" who signed my g-book. By the way, I hope that someone is reading this. Thank you, not only for singing the g-book but for...well, it's good to know that someone actually understands what you're saying. I thought about it and didn't feel alone. While watching people...actually, I didn't see anything interesting today. Ok, then I talked to Fidel. Then the bell rang and there you see all the collectivity going to their classrooms like Pavlov's rats.

That's something else I've noticed. The bell thing it's based on Pavlov's experiments. It rings and that means "go in". I try to not fall into that, but I can't since...fuck, I'll get a report if I'm late for class. All I can do is to wait longer to give people time to be the first ones to get in the classroom. I don't want to be a fuckin' Pavlov's experiment results animal.

Ok, then...third recess. Nothing. On the last period we watched Aladdin. Then the damned bell rang and I went to the cafeteria. I went back upstairs and I found the Chubby one, the obese girl, (she's incredibly thin...she's like Olive Oil, or whatever Popeye's bitch is called...hey, sorry, she's a bitch. She prefers the huge guy over Popeye just because of his looks and other stupid reasons...weird, just like some girls at school). I ate her sandwich. She left me alone for a long time. I was alone most of the lunch recess. Melvin (the guy who dances naked with ice) asked me to look after a volleyball while he and the society go to the mall to buy tickets for an upcoming concert.

That's something I'll never get to do...get to school one day, with a poster in my hand, showing it to my "best friend" with a huge smile in my face saying: "we're going, get fuckin' ready 'cause we're fuckin' going'!" The poster has Aerosmith in it. They're coming to town. But....a)I don't have 'friends' who I'd love to share such experience with (mostly 'cause no one else likes Aero) and b)Aerosmith do not come to 3rd world countries.

Now...well, I started thinking....I asked my friend Norman how many friends he has. He said he couldn't count them all. I said: "no, I mean 'friend-friends'"..."I have lots"...yeah, ok. He's got lots. I wanted to ask him what a friend-friend is to him. But didn't have time. "I have lots, too" I thought..."then how fuckin' comes that I'm always alone?"...I asked. "You know". That voice is right. I know.

Meanwhile, Simeon is back into my bedroom. And I saw another proof of girls-going-to-the-restroom in groups, like a group of cows.

For now, I'm happy, taking care of myself. Like when you get a virus and your body itself sends this little...sorry, I forgot the name but I you know what I'm talking about. It's like....I'm getting the depression disease and something from somewhere in my body is sending this little...yeah! antibodies...like...self-esteem antibodies to fight against the depression disease.

Go me. I bought myself an eraser and ate chocolate. My little fuckin' fragile yet beatiful life.

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