Thursday, 06/06/02 - 6:57 pm.
Sometimes I think I'll die in a car accident. I see the cars and buses drive by my car, or my school bus, and something morbid, unconscious, makes me see them lose control and crash against the vehicle I'm riding. I wonder why is that. I imagine nothing serious will happen to me. My head will be victim of inertia and will just move back and forth a couple of times, and maybe, very unlikely, will crash against the window and will make me bleed. But nothing further. If someone dies, it won't be me. But no one will die, because I can't conceibe the real idea of a car wreck, and I think it'll only makes us go back and forth a couple of times. But I've seen car wrecks. Morbid car wrecks, where the bodies of the victims have been teared apart like a piece of paper, and are nothing but just another bent piece of what's left of the car.
I think a lot about death. And I also think I wouldn't be able to handle it very well when it's my turn.
Life has a funny way of helping you out.
Veronica didn't go to school today, I don't know why. I asked Sophie and Cel and they both answered me that they didn't even notice she was absent. I felt free today, knowing I wouldn't have to run into her indifference toward me.
It rained today, and the match was going to be called off. Then it stopped raining, and the game was on again. Dany even brought his whole soccer gear, to avoid stuff like his shoe and QB's head. But just as they were going to start warming up, someone walks up to them and tells them they cannot play on that field. I didn't get why, and I guess no one else did. Because they could mess up the field, or something like that....I figured it'd be because there was a lot of mud and the grass is hard to be taken care of. We all moved out to the other soccer field. But that one is larger and it's harder to have a good view.
Sometimes pain helps you focus and rearrange stuff. In the afternoon, I saw the guy walk by our classroom a few times. I'd seen him earlier, holding a girl, very thight. It was Stephanie, *Obese girl's Stephanie*, her best friend. I'd always seen them that way. They do look like boyfriend and girlfriend. They do look cute together. So I saw him walk by...and started thinking about my stupid infatuation. I thought I had better things to think about, more urgent things to attend. And basically thought that I should try (yet one more time) to get over him. I'm nothing to him. And sometimes I wish I could talk straight to his face...I love you, but I don't want to have you around, I'm nothing to you, what the fuck is your problem? I don't even know you. We're not even friends. Maybe it's just for the time being, but I'm not very deep on him as of now.
I don't know why is it that I always have people come into my life, who I love so deeply and I'm willing to die for, when for them I'm just a worthless person.
Ok, ok...no breakdown today. Let's change subject.
Pablo asked me to draw him. This morning, I was talking to Elsy and he approached (he's in love with Elsy...but not viceversa). I told him that he reminded me of Area 51. In the afternoon, when I was on my way to the computer room, he stopped me and said he was going to shoot and score a napkin in the trashcan, just for you. He shot and missed. Wait, I'm gonna do it again...it's for you, I've got to make it. He shot again and scored. Then he asked me what I meant by the Area 51 thing. I told him it was because he looked like an alien. Wow...would you draw me?. Sure thing, baby! It's kind of nice, I've gotten a few fans myself. And I don't even have talent! I have only the desire to do it right, and the passion to try. I hope I'll make a living out of my crappiness in the future.
Just to give you a small, blurry visual...he sort of reminds me of Kelso, from That 70's Show. And by the way, Vic sort of reminds of Hyde, from the same show. Only Vic (besides other features) has curlier hair.
I'd better go finish the drawing. It's an alien, smoking (I hate to do that, but no one was able to mention a healthier hobby -unless playing billiard counts- of his...go figure), and instead of sky there are black flames. Far away, you can see a spaceship that's opening, that has an eye on it and the letters "R.C.M.E. Inc."...which stands for "Remote Controlled Midget Elvis", because dozens of them are coming out of the spaceship. The alien (Pablo) is wearing bermuda shorts with a palm tree pattern, and a shirt that says I see dumb people (me, always being sorry for never getting one of those). With one hand he's making an eight ball levitate...and I just haven't figured out what to do with the other hand....oh, don't be dirty, dammit. I was thinking of giving him a yo-yo.
My hunger has gotten back to normal. Aerosmith will be on tour soon, and of course I'll miss it.....And I really have nothing else to say for today.....NO, WAIT!!!! Uh, no. No. That's all.
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