Preoccupation and cartooning.
Friday, 06/07/02 - 3:55 pm.

There was a major disappointment at school today. England beat Argentina. Most people were going for Argentina. Some asked me who I was hoping would win. I said it's all happening so far away that I don't even care. Hector said that I was very stoic. Well, yeah...I'm learning to be imperturbable, and to stay cool no matter what.

But that's kind of hard. This morning I woke up with a profound affliction. I'm not doing very well, my grades are lower. I'm failing math, I'm about to fail science and I'm sure I'll fail computer science. Basically...because these two subjects have a lot to do with math lately. I don't have logic and I hate formulas, I don't care gravity is 9.8 square meters per second, I'm doomed to be on the ground and that's all that matters. I'm not being that stoic. I can't, I'm worried about it. Fuck, even english...my teacher was kind of disappointed and even drew a sad face (= () next to my grade on my last exam...I got 8.4 (out of 10). It's not that bad...but I'm a "10" person when it comes to english. And the most disappointing thing is that it wasn't even the highest grade. Maybe the second highest...but that isn't enough.

Carmen said it'd been quite some time since we'd spent time together so she decided to follow me around on the second recess. Hey, she said it, not me: well, I'll follow you wherever you go. Nice. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but she really didn't do anything to me (that she hasn't said she's sorry for) and the least I could do was smile and say ok. We attended the soccer match, this time on the usual field. The game was hilarious, as always. The Guy was playing this time again but...blah. Carmen was cracking up.

- Me: I hate people.
- Carmen: why?
- Me: because they suck. They're disgusting
- Carmen: hey, there are a few that are worth everything.
- Me: yes, but among the mass you can't tell who is it and who is not. So fuck them all.

As soon as I got on the school bus this morning, I knew I was going to hate people today. I hate those little kids. Disgusting, stupid, inmature, strait-minded kids. I wouldn't mind if that kind of people disappeared from this world....no, wait...I'd mind. I'd mind it and I'd be very grateful. Have you ever had the feeling, after looking at a certain person, that the world doesn't need that person? The world should end up tomorrow. Seriously. For the first time in weeks, I had free time to read the newspaper...and the first image I see is the one of an old man, covered with mud up to his knees, sitting on mud, crying. A flood destroyed everything he had.

Is really necessary for this whole damn planet to exist, God? I mean, let's face it...everything cool You made was flushed down the toilet. It's sweet that You forgive and all that, but I don't think You nor anyone deserves to be suffering by living here.

Ok, I'm not stoic. I thought I was, but I am not. I'm worried. And I'm petrified by preoccupation.

As I'm writing here, I'm searching all kinds of animation sites. You see, it's june (duh). November means graduation, graduation means "welcome to the jungle". And I still don't know where I'm going. I asked my mom to take me to the CENAR (National Arts Academy) and see what's up. Dad told me it was mostly a high school for people who want to be artists, so the only way I could've been accepted was by dropping out ESJ before I started high school. I said that it couldn't be. I mean, it's the National Arts Academy, I'm sure there's more to it. So maybe I could go and take a look.

This sudden impulse of typing "animation and cartooning" in the search box came from the newspapers. It was an article about The Powerpuff Girls. I hate that show, but I thought I'd take a look. It mentioned Cartoon Network's formula...kids with superpowers. I kind of hate Cartoon Network, I can't stand its shows. So as the article went on, it pointed out the flaws of TPPG and others cartoons with children....they show spoiled superkids, irresponsible and somewhat disrespectful, and in the end it's a bad influence. The stupid girls are spoiled, I have noticed that on the show myself.

Anyway...they teared apart the show, which I loved. I've always found it stupid and way too girlish. But the point is that the article had the basics about the creator, and it mentioned something about "2nd year of animation and catooning at CalArts". See, dad?!? I told you, "that must exist"!!!. I knew about CalArts. But to be honest, I'd never heard "second year of animation". I'd found over the internet info on learning animation...but never like a real career, never heard "I'm studying second year of traditional animation". I knew it existed but...not for me. Yeah, I live in a nutshell, excuse my ignorance. Damn underdeveloped country.

This is the best site I've come accross so far. You see, I think it's kind of advisable to first learn to draw.

I'm tired. And next week I'm taking the period exams. From tuesday to saturday. I need 8 on that math exam, to pass this period with 6 (the less you need to pass the subject). I asked Elsy to come over tomorrow. I need somebody to study with, or else the voices in my head won't shut up.

God has a sense of humor indeed. Take 5 guys in a rock and roll band, and keep them around WAY after their predestined expiration date, and this is what you get - Steven Tyler. (It's totally OT, but that's ok. I love Aerosmith).

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed.

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