Of swimming, diets and feeling a tad better.
Tuesday, 04/12/05 - 10:19 pm.

I'm gonna start with the good things about my day, because I shall give them priority. Oh, well...anyway, most of my day's been good, except when I thought too much about Joseph. But that's ahead.

First off, I went swimming this morning. Hopefully it's the beggining of a routine. I need to lose some fat. I am not "fat" per se, as I was discussing with Irene this afternoon, but I have a lot of fat gathering in all those places, the thighs and the hips and the forearms. The usual places for women to gain fat, I mean. I need the exercise, plain and simple. Halfway through the pool (75 feet) I was already out of breath. Back in my day, I won first place in several competitions at school...I shall regain my condition.

I like coming home from the university. I feel all cozy, when my dad drives around the corner, with the AC on, and I walk into my house, and get to play with Frog and my mom has made me milk. I had an extra tonight, there was bacon and a slice of apple pie waiting for me. I was serisouly thinking of sticking to the goddamn Special K "diet", but I couldn't resist.

All right, I'm talking a lot about nutrition. It's because I've decided I want to lose some weight (yes, again). I am not fat, allow me to emphasize that once again. But I've always been uncomfortable with the fat on some parts of my body. I hope I can maintain the swimming routine, and I can eat better.

The losing weight issue probably has to do with Joseph, this time around, but I only thought of that possibility when talking to Irene (we had a long conversation about diets and fat and exercising). Or maybe not...you see, he always made me feel so good about my body, and it's because of him that I accepted my body just how it is, and that I was able to look at it...I, um, will start a new paragraph before I begin to cry.

Ok, I have to talk about Joseph. Well, no, this isn't about Joseph, it's about his best friend. Joseph had lent me a few CDs with anime episodes, a long time ago, but I my computer wouldn't play them. I completely forgot about them, until I found them this weekend. After the usual crying, I decided I'd look for C, his friend (he's in his late 20s, and one day he woke up and wanted to study psychology, so he's in his first year right now), and give them to him.

I waited outside the communication building, I love that place. I sat under a tree and started to write a story. Irene showed up, and she stayed with me, or I stayed with her. She's an instructor and she had to correct some papers. My God! I want to be instructor for Writing Techniques! People suck at writing, and I kept telling Irene "this coma is wrong", "she means being unemployed is a tool for social development" (that was an awful paper), "scratch the entire paragraph and write 'retire from this subject, loser!'".

She went to get herself a beverage at a mini-store nearby, and right then Joseph's friend showed up. I seriously considered leaving the CD thing for another ocassion, because I was prone to start crying and he was with the girl that's into Joseph...and you know, that was just...no, no way.

But luckily she went to class and left us alone, and I explianed to him: he gave me these, but he didn't made clear whether they were a gift or just a lend...please, give them to him, just in case. And he asked me how everything went, how everything was, I know nothing, he doesn't talk about it. Ouch.

I sort of explained it to him, we ended up in good terms but it was my fault, and that I may never see him again, that I was feeling bad...and he inmediately started to say that I was young, and that I could survive, that things would get better. Don't get hung up on it...take it from me. And I have to tell you, he's one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I can't really say what he told me, but he made me feel better. So much better.

It kind of hurt me, "he doesn't talk about it", but when I talked to his friend, it was like being liberated from a weight. So I was kind of in a good mood for the rest of the day. He's a wonderful guy. The type of guy you're willing to make millions of favors to, just because you know he's nice.

I realized tonight I hadn't cried over him in almost two days. But five minutes later, I was crying over him. I repeat that I miss him, that I want him back, but anyway, I don't see it working out if given another chance. I mean, I wish...I love him so much. But he'd get tired of me again. His friend said that sometimes it's only is a matter of timing, and that ours was probably bad. And I don't see how the break-up could've been your fault. I kind of felt like telling him everything, but he was late for class and I was ashamed of crying in front of someone. Anyone.

Regardless of the on-and-off agony, it's been a good day. I'm nervous about tomorrow, I have a meeting about a project-job. Tune in tomorrow, as this generation says.

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