Tuesday, 05/03/05 - 10:29 pm.
HEY GUESS WHAT I GOT RED HIGHLIGHTS OHMYGOSH THEY LOOK SO KEWL!!!!!!11
*cough*
No, really. I did. More on this later.
It rained a lot last night. And I cried, because Joseph kissed me for the first time on a rainy monday afternoon. And I kept thinking, well, now he's fucking someone on a rainy monday night. It was killing me. For the record, everything about him kills me, so I'm dead a few times.
I almost didn't go swimming in the morning, because it was cold and I fell asleep at almost 1 am (I go at 7 am). But I did, and right in the pool I decided I HAD to get the highlights today.
So a few hours later I asked my mom if she wanted to join me to the beauty parlor. She said ok. I took the car, and I humbly admit I'm getting better at driving, something I didn't consider possible. When I parked it, she said in a midly upset tone: so you're getting highlights. I thought she'd forgotten...I'd told her yesterday I wanted to and she'd said "no".
I started flipping through magazines, and I chose a color. A very blinding red was my choice. But they didn't have it, so I went for something softer. When she placed the artificial lock on my hair, though, I almost regreted it. What if I don't like it?
But I went on, and it took me like 30 minutes to see the results. Meanwhile, I was reading a very boring magazine, glancing at my mother, who I think was about to cry (as long as you don't modify your body and your soul...what the fuck, mother?), and staring at a beautiful baby girl, daughter of one of the ladies who work there.
And finally, I saw how it turned out. And I started to laugh. I LOVED IT!!! It looked, looks so cool. I felt so much like myself (huh?), and the only thing I regreted was saying I wanted something not too flashy. Then I wanted more highlights, or to dye the locks on the front (the ones who once were bangs), and then I was thinking I wanted it electric blue. But for the time being, this is ok.
I was so nervous, and I loved it so much that I started to laugh. Like, laugh. Like, a lot. I'm in love with it. Even my mom got softer after seeing the result. When I showed it to my dad, he smiled and only said: "oh, I hadn't noticed...I'm not wearing my glasses, you know". I don't normally say this about my dad, but that was cute.
The reactions I got at the university made me feel even better. Due to the lightning in my bedroom, I thought the color wasn't very visible. But I found Irene when I got to the campus, and even though she saw me from far away, she yelled: girlfriend! you did it!. And said it looked cool. Everybody noticed instantly, and said it looked great.
Even the caucasian guy! He isn't on my eye-candy list, but I like him...in a friendly way, I mean. He said you're always looking so unique. Awww, fuck. He's such a sweetheart.
The bad highlight of the day was seeing Joseph. You know, this morning I made a CD for him. Out of the blue, I just felt like it. So I put on my favorite Beatles songs and packed it in, in case I saw him today. I did. I wish I hadn't. Then again, if I hadn't, I'd wish I had.
He wasn't doing anything, really. He was just walking with a lady friend (they used to be coworkers, but I hated seeing her, because now I think he's cheated on me with many girls) and he waved at me. He was going to walk me by, but I called him and gave him the CD. They look great, he said, and walked away. Then he walked by again later, and gave a quick goodbye. I hurt more and more as he walks away. For a while I felt like crap.
But I was with Irene, and being not alone cheered me up, because it kept me distracted. We hung out most of the afternoon, because we were at the campus very early. For no reason, really.
We went for a cup of coffee, and on the street we ran into Priscilla, who had ran into Angie, who had ran into Fer. We were a happy party, and we all went into the coffeehouse, where Fer was with a few friends, and his sister. It hurt me to see his sister. She reminded of Joseph: when I started dating him, they were great friends, but then he broke the friendship up because she was stupid, or something.
Fer told us (Angie, Priscilla, Irene and I) to join his gang...we were going to, but I chose to take my coffee to go. The coffeehouse is kind of small, and Angie is very loud. It felt too crowded for my taste. I told the three girls to go sit to my spot and chat our time away before class began.
In Industrial Psychology my three friends and I laughed the whole time. This is the class that brings us together. It's great, in terms of social interaction. Oh, oh, I got the results of my midterm, too. I got a 9.5 out of 10...and that's the subject I don't like. It made me happy. What didn't make me happy was seeing this boy, Priscilla's "angel". He got a 4. I wanted to sit next him and invite him to join us to study, but I don't know him.
C (Joseph's friend, who went on to become my friend) will get needles this week, so I can get my ear pierced. I do not want to think what my mom will say when she finds out I wear two earrings in one ear. She'll probably start to cry, thinking that the next step will be a tattoo. I told her, when I was getting my hair done, that I loved my hair color, I just wanted to experiment. She said that today's "creatures" aren't happy the way God made them. My God.
I've actually discovered I really like myself. It takes hours for the models to become models, to be picture-perfect, and in the end it's just a farse. I am perfectly content with myself, and I can go through the day without wearing any make-up (I can't apply make-up anyway, other than mascara and lipgloss). As to my hair, I just wanted a visible change, other than cutting it.
Well, I'll finish here, to avoid dwelling on the J subject. I've had a lot of support, from Angel, Green Kiwis, my three university mates, and a few others. Honestly, I can't complain. I don't feel abandoned...I feel lonely, because he's left me and all, but people have been very supportive, and for that I can't be thankful enough.
I kind of wish he called, but what good would that make? However, I'm still not ready to let go. And I don't think I will be anytime soon.
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