Wednesday, 05/25/05 - 9:23 pm.
My schedule until monday is a disaster. Social Psychology midterm on friday, it's a lot, A LOT, and I haven't covered the whole material. I have to change the psychology billboard tomorrow afternoon, and I have a meeting with Mr PhD on friday afternoon before the midterm. I'm panicking.
I didn't go to see Joseph this morning, as I said I would yesterday. My parents went to the beach, you know, and it was just a matter of taking out the car of the garage (if you saw the garage, you'd understand). I'm afraid I didn't even try much, but these midterm weeks have me trying to focus on studying, because I'm not making the progress I should, neither on Social nor Experimental (on monday). However, I regret not going. I just feared the question, "where are you going?", and I feared my dad he'd call while I was out.
However, we talked on the phone for 45 minutes. It just feels so good. We talked about our possible life after our marriage (but no way I am bearing NINE children). Last night, we talked about why we broke up. He killed me when he said I thought you were too fragile for me...I was hurting you, I was hurting my child, my baby girl. I almost began to cry.
We're not really back together, though last night he called me "my adored girlfriend". He was talking about something else, and I believe that was just a slip. I was going to reply "I'm not your girlfriend", but I let it go.
Since my parents were out of town, my brother (professor) was to come for lunch, pick me up and drive me to the university. I insisted on taking the car...not that I wanted, but I hate to bother my brother. As usual, though, he was charming and willing to help.
I got to the university, and met with Victor, to meet with my brother again (to talk about our experiment). It was about 3:15 when we got out of the meeting, and I was disappointed because Joseph said he'd go to the university at about 2:30, and would leave before 3.
But no, I ran into him. He was coming late. Come, keep me company, he said. He was in campus to pick up a few papers regarding his staying in the university as a student. So we walked to the administration building, and I was so happy to be with him.
He went to an office, talked to a woman, she gave her a few instructions and then he left. He was telling me how this woman was the only person who's been kind to him in the whole process. A lot of people are bitches, indeed, and since he's, shall we say, well known there, they're, like, tired of him.
We split, because he had stuff to do at the cafeteria. But five minutes later he called me, I'm right behind you. And we sat on a bench with a friend of his, chatting for a while. He put his arm around me once, and when he had to leave, we kissed near the lips and hugged.
The rest of my day may not be so important. I'll go call him right now. It seems my life revolves only around books and Joseph lately.
Tomorrow is the first anniversary of Ern's murder. There's a mass in memory of him at 5:45, but I have a class-before-midterm at that time, and also a goddamn exposition. I regret to inform I won't be able to make it. But still, I'll wear a white ribbon.
I'll go study (after calling him, that is). Bye.
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