Friday, 06/24/05 - 10:28 am.
So, last night the Internet service was down, and since by the time I'd been three hours waiting for it to be restored (I needed to send and receive a very important e-mail, regarding a paper that's due today, and I'm not done with it, bla, bla, bla) everybody in the house was asleep, I started to cry. Like, sobbing, and tears streaming down my face, and all that poetic shit.
I ruined two diskettes, because I...I kind of stepped on them, purposedly. In my defense, they weren't working. I started to cry as if I'd lost my entire hard drive, and suddenly I found myself saying I just wanted this [semester] to be over already. I think I was crying because I've been ridiculously stressed since may, with work after work for subject after subject, and I haven't allowed myself to express that. Up until last night, I'd been very calm.
So I went to bed, crying and pissed off, after restarting the computer about five times and uninstalling/reinstalling the goddamned Panda antivirus. I didn't take the time to go to the start menu, I just pressed the button.
Fortunately, the service was restored this morning, and I'm almost catching up with everything. I haven't even taken a bath, and I'm a "must take a bath before 9 am" psycho. Oh, well.
I have two important things to say about yesterday.
(1) I spent almost the whole afternoon with Joseph. We went for coffee, and suddenly I had nothing to tell him. Remember I kept saying "I must tell him this and that, I must do it this week"?. Well, the opportunity presented yesterday, but I felt I was past all that. Although I just realized there's something I want to ask him indeed, for the sake of doing everything right this time. But he's my boyfriend, so I can reach him anytime for that.
But I'm not used to him being my boyfriend again. Actually, I wasn't used to him NOT being my boyfriend, either. Fuck it, then. We had a good time, anyway, making out, etc. What made me so happy was that he said he'd have to move to another country. Why?, I asked. I'll have to follow you, because I couldn't live without you (I love how even the most clich� lines don't sound corny when he says them, although you, dear reader, can't tell).
That was so...beautiful. Because I've told him about my big plans, scholarships abroad and all that, and "you should come with me". He'd always say he'd stay out of the way, and put me on the plane if necessary, because he didn't want to be an obstacle in my plans. But now he says he's willing to come with me. It sounds a bit selfish of me, but he's a man tied to nothing, and always up for trying new stuff (hence why I had no remorse in asking him to come). We just have to make sure he has all his vaccines in order. Aw, I love the bastard.
Which kind of brings me to the second thing, but it's sort of bad news:
(2) My brother didn't get the scholarship to Spain. He told me in the car, on our way home from the university. Although dissapointed and a bit angry, he didn't show a lot of emotion, and I wanted to cry. I seriously thought it'd been granted, because he was already accepted in an university in Madrid (Madrid, was it?).
I wanted to tell him but I don't want you here!. Because since the very first moment your brother tells you he wants to go abroad to get a PhD, you start wanting the same for him, even if it means distance. It's wonderful to have him around, but...he wanted to go there.
Of course it's not the end of the world. He says he'll try again next year. My other brother (I have three), had to take an exam three times to be accepted in the USA medical, uh, stuff, but now he's in El Paso, winning awards (he won an award for outstanding work in the hospital) and meeting people and living his dream. So I don't lose hope that my other brother will eventually reach his dream, too.
I hope he doesn't feel too bad. The good part is that he'll be my professor again next semester, for Social Psychology II, which is the subject where he really belongs. I'm excited about it, and I'm happy we'll keep the rutine of coming home with him every night after class. It's just that I'd already taken for granted that he wouldn't be here, and I was ok with that, because I know he'd be happy. But next year, it'll be.