Monday, 08/01/05 - 12:48 pm.
So I'm in Joseph's bed[room], and I tell him I don't want to meet his friend yet. "Ok", he says, and we went back to making out.
But deep inside of me, I knew I couldn't leave him that afternoon without having sexual intercourse. I was a little curious, but over all, I wanted to please him. My curiosity could've coexisted with the rest of my psyche, perhaps for the rest of my life.
I wasn't letting him take all of my clothes off, but when he took off his pants, I got scared. I tried to distract myself with his three tattoos, and we cuddled a lot. I didn't like his fingers inside this time (last time I'd sort of enjoyed it), and I got so tipsy that he got frustrated and just held me. I hated seeing him like that, so I took a deep breath. I wasn't turned on at all, I was scared and inhibited.
He gently made me meet his "friend", and I felt I needed to. I've always been scared by the sight of a penis, because I find them simply gross. Maybe it had something to do with the guy that forced you to touch it?. Ah, yes. The Guy. I told him part of the story. When I was done, he said I'd like to see him and beat him up.
I remembered reading in Men's Health that a certain area below the testicles was pleasently sensitive, so I tried to go there, without looking. He said "you're right, it feels so good". I'm-falling-asleep good.
He took the remaining piece of cloth on me and I was left feeling rather vulnerable. Every time he'd take something off me, he'd say something like I'm beautiful, or so hot, or something equally complimenting.
He's never wanted to wear a condom, because it's a bit uncomfortable and makes the experience a little less enjoyable. I asked him if he had one this time. "Sure, I do", and he took one out of a drawer. Do you want to place put it on? It could help you get acquainted. I nodded nervously. He insisted. I only opened the package, and some sort of wetness slid down my fingers. My first time having one in my hands. I gave it to him.
"Ok, spread your legs". I sort-of yelled no, but before I knew it, he was on top. It didn't hurt, but I noticed his hand kept going back down, trying to put his member in place (some time ago, he'd showed me with his fingers where the penis actually goes in). "Are you in yet?", I kept asking. He started to laugh and said, no, you're tight! "But I'm doing what you said I had to do, goddammit!". It hurt once he thrusted a little violently, but the bottom line was that the penis was flat again. He got off me laughing, and I was chuckling, but I had no idea what was going on.
I tried to turn him on again, but it wasn't working. That shows you men need to get in the mood, too. It isn't always about the woman, you know?. He got on top again, but we failed again. Strangely enough, I was a little disappointed, because it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be and I wanted to try the whole thing. Nothing. His thing was flat, and didn't go up again.
You know what it is?, he asked. I don't care if I make love to you. I don't really want to. All I wanted was to have you like this in my bed. I wanted intimacy, and I wanted to find out if we had that level of trust and confidence. I wasn't going to wait another year for this. What a clown he is, huh?
So he took off the condom and we stayed in his bed, just cuddling. He tried doing oral, but I refused, "that's gross, even more than penetration!". See, you're not a man, he began to explain. Etc. Ok, ok, so I was a tad curious about that, too, but still too disgusted to let him dive in, or whatever people in the bussiness might call this act.
Next session, we'll try oral sex. I trust now we won't have to dedicate two hours to get you out of your underwear. And maybe next time you'll be nice to my friend. You hurt his feelings, that's why he didn't want to make love to you. "Well, I could kiss him goodbye". He got the chills when he heard that, which I considered priceless. I did more than kissing him goodbye, but I guess I need to eat a lot of ice cream cones before I get good at it.
I had to leave, and when I was in his bathroom refreshing and all (I was at Cel's, right? watching a movie), he stood in the doorway, with his t-shirts and boxers already on. We started to make out on the doorway. I could lift you up against that wall, if you want to (I'd suggest something earlier...hey, I can be kinky, too). His friend woke up, and this time I was brave enough to look down at the bulge and laugh. His timing sucks, I chuckled. Yeah, he's a loser.
The used condom was on the floor. That's quite an image, I said. I can throw it in the toilet, if you want, he suggested, and I remembered the scene from the movie. I took the wrapper, still with lube, and stuck it in my wallet.
I came home and had dinner with a torn family (my dad is upset, he doesn't want my mom to go out...what a psycho), and then went with my nephew, niece and brother to see Be Cool. We were the only ones in the movie theater, and the only ones in the whole mall for that matter. It was great.
YAY, STEVEN TYLERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! AND AEROSMITH IN CONCERT!!!!!!!! I got uneasy since I saw the tattoo, and I'd choke everytime someone said "Aerosmith" or "Steven".
So, in a nutshell, he wasn't going for sex, but for the intimacy of it. I almost slapped my forehead when I found that out, but it's actually incredibly sweet that he's like that. It was so funny (although a little uncomfortable) him trying to get inside of me. We laughed a lot during our whole time together (about three hours), but he was having a field day with me because I was being "cute".
Now, even though we used protection, his friend was dead when it got in, my period ended a couple of days ago so it's highly unlikely that I have new eggs in stock, and he's pretty much infertile from too much smoking, I'm terrified with the idea of getting pregnant, and for the first time in my life, I'm impatiently waiting for my period, due in almost 24 days. This is because pregnancy is purely based on probabilities, and I hate math, I've never understood, much less trusted, probabilities.
So all that is enough to say "I will go for oral next time".
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