Tuesday, 07/02/02 - 7:20 pm.
Wires died today. But I'm happy about it. He was in pain, it was easy to tell. I'm sorry he couldn't make it, but having wings and not being able to fly...I mean, the purpose of a bird is to fly. He couldn't. RIP Wires. At least he's with Elvis now.
We're still seeing Fight Club. We've gotten to the part where everybody in the audience goes: "what the fuck?", "why so much violence?", "eeewww!!!"...you know. But I was hipnotized. It all is so meaningful to me. I wish I had the guts to dare. We've been given some questions about the movie, and one of them is "why do you think the movie supports self-destruction?". I had my own theory.
After almost two weeks, I got to talk to my good ol' Fidel. He was drinking coffee, as usual. We met on the third recess, which is only 15 minutes long, so it wasn't a long conversation. But, of course, priceless. I asked him the question about self-destruction on Fight Club, and he gave me the answer. Basically, it was my own answer, but from a different point of view. As if you're watching the sky and someone on the other side of the world is, too. You see night, he sees day, but it's the sky, after all. You get the idea. I enjoyed talking to him. I missed that so bad.
Because of Fight Club, I felt very hateful today. Everybody around me was fake, or cheap, or hypocritical...a lie. And I also had a few experiences today...tiny ones, but I definitely wasn't in the mood to put up with any kind of crap. Let's just say I wished I had a certain brainless girl's hair locks in my hand, covered with her own blood. There is some kind of people that should die. Because of anything but their all-singing, all-dancing stupidity and everything it brings along.
When I was talking to Fidel, I saw the PSTRL gang, in the middle of the hallway, having some kind of meeting, gathering around Karla. I don't know why, but it sort of pissed me off. Look, they're around their leader, I told Fidel. I'm really glad I don't belong to a group in that school. I mean, I love to death the guys in the PSTRL gang, I just don't fit in, and feel very uncomfortable. Yes, they've been very closed to the world lately. And they don't even speak to Julio anymore. Carmen once told me they and Julio (the jesuit guy) had had some problems, so they decided to keep their distance.
I stayed in the afternoon for a prom meeting. They didn't say anything we didn't know already, and I had to bear with that generation of whiners, who sadly are my classmates, and my prommates. Carmen said they're revolutionaries. I went: no, they're not. She said: why not? they always speak up when they are not happy with something, which is always. Only they don't propose any solutions. I smiled sadly: see?. She got it. Revolutionary people do not whine. They speak up their minds AND take part in making things change.
Carmen tried to convince me to go on the prom trip in august. To make it short: she tried to convince by saying the "magical words": no parents, freedom. I didn't even bother answering. First...I don't mind my parents. When I find something worth to fight them for, I will fight them for it. Second...I don't think a 5-day trip to a foreign country with a hundred teenagers is freedom. I was going to answer to every lame excuse she gave me, but...nah. I kept silence. In general, they weren't completely lame, but personally....they had no foundation.
I wouldn't call freedom travelling around a foreign country with a mindless mass of kids, stuck to an itinerary. I'll flush the $150 down the toilet, thanks. It's much more entertaining. Or I can save it to afford my funeral and all its legal stuff. The miracle of death can be such an expensive show.
Thank God, today I got to enjoy the soccer match all by myself. The gang always call me their "number #1 fan". It was pretty cool today. No one but me showed up. And they're sucking better than ever.
I'm a bit scared. The rain is pouring. I thought I should go out and stand there. I did, and I looked up. The sky's gray, it's a hurricane-like storm. And I swear, I was a bit scared. But I'm trying to apply part of Fidel's opinion on self-destruction. And yes, it is very rewarding in the end.
Everyday, I look at the sky. It always looks beautiful, whether it's blue or gray. And I think it's sad people don't even notice what's upon their heads. They've taken it for granted. "The sky? what's the big deal about it, moron?". I always take the time. I know it'll always be up there. But I love staring at it. It's like a secret no one knows. Yet it's in their own fuckin' faces.
I'm feeling good right now. I have a lot of shit to get done. We're going to the movies on thursday, that's the only good thing I can think about. The rest is pure crap...writing a tale and role play it (we have less than one week), making hundreds of math exercises, making an experiment in science class...I guess it's the usual, I'm just one lazy individual.
People have lost their sense of amusement. They refuse to be amused, I told Cel. She was very amused when she noticed that there was a small nail stuck to a corner of a wall. You know how things are...you walk by a wall everyday, it's part of your daily routine, but if you were asked what's the color of it, you wouldn't know. I was amused by her, that she took the time to study it carefully and found a nail upside down, painted like the wall, in a corner of it. She was amused, too. Among all that creepy mindless mass of shallow society spawns, she's a shiny raindrop of common sense.
It's funny, but all those hateful feelings can be easily blown away...Norman and I had been working on math exercises the whole afternoon. When it was three o'clock, we headed to the auditorium, where the prom meeting was scheduled. I saw Denver, who was on the opposite hallway. And he walked up to us, fast. When he was approaching, he stretched his arms, and I thought he was going to hug Norman but...no. He put his arm around my neck. Yes, sweet. Then he left. And I'm a sellout. And I'm buying Aerosmith's UGH!, despite it's pointless. Is that a sellout thing? Putting aside all those rational views on people, just because the guy you like hugged you? Yeah, maybe. But hey, such is life when you're dead. We've been punching each other, too. Fight Club side effects, I guess.
You know what's got me happy, too? Vic e-mailed me for the first time. And May e-mailed me, too. I haven't seen her this whole year. I miss her.
The afro wig in my throat has almost completely disappeared. Thank God.
And now, our feature presentation:
the end of this entry.
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