Keywords-o-the-day: suspicious boyfriend, instructor, throwing up, failure.
Monday, 09/12/05 - 9:31 pm.

Phew. I thought this day would never end. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I only threw up once in the morning, and I survived my 9 am meeting. Which brings me to the first point.

I am now the evaluator of a 14 year-old boy with problems of agressiveness. I don't know when I'll get to meet him, but I'm scared.

This is the last week of evaluations at the ESJ, and tomorrow could very well be my last day. Or it could be on wednesday. Whatever, it makes me so, so happy, because now I'll have 2+ hours to invest on something other than children. For the record, today's group of kids were very fast. Bless their soul.

By then, it's 4:15 pm, and after surviving most of my day without throwing up, I met up with Joseph at the university. But first a girl approached: hey, you're the instructor for psychodinamics, right? I've got a question. Aw, I feel so useful and important. I came to find Mr. Basket has given them an assignment, which is writing an essay analyzing a literary character, using Freud's theories. I sort of gave her some ideas, and Joseph just stood a few steps away until I was done.

I told him I'd been throwing, and he said, I'm gonna be a father!. No way, dude. The bottom line, though, was something he did on satuday, before we got into sex and stuff.

We were on his computer, and suddenly a girl named CM logged on. He jumped from his chair and snatched the mouse from me, and started to click desperately the X of the messenger window, and in the end, he just turned off the computer pressing the button. I was surprised, and I asked what was up with that girl and him. It's this girl that's always flirting with me, and such...saying I'm the love of his life and other stupid things. Ok. I let it pass (then came sex, but that's another story).

So today I brough it up. I told him what he did was terrible, because it seemed as he was hiding something from me. How many girls have kissed you while you've been dating me?. TWO, that's how many. The stories are not relevant right now, but I put him in my shoes, imagine we're on my computer and you see me going all crazy, like you did, when some guy comes on. It just looks suspicious. And you'd go crazy.

This girl was the girl that I found in his bedroom once, and she'd kissed him, but he refused (apparently to be fair, he loves me), and he was terrified because he was sure I was going to break up with him for that.

Ok, bottom line: I trust him, which is exactly why I didn't like him jumping like that. There was nothing to hide, he knows I understand (I understand he has porn). He apologized, saying it was indeed a fucked-up thing to do. The end.

After our little serious conversation, I told him we were sitting on the bench where we broke up in april. And I asked him if we could just be friends. But of course I didn't mean it. He's a wonderful boyfriend, aside from his little fuck-ups. I told him sometimes I was scared, because he seemed too good to be true. He laughed and said that was a good one. There hasn't been, and there will never be, a girl like you. Ok, that's good.

I had to walk him to the cafeteria, because I had a Method of Evaluation quiz at 6:30. On our way there, a guy called me: hey, instructor!. Aw, I felt some sort of status. He just asked me when we could meet up to clear a few doubts. I can't wait until the ESJ is over, so I can go sit at my desk in the rural psychology instructors' cubicle.

So I left Joseph, and went to kinda sorta study for my quiz. WHICH I FAILED. I didn't answer all of the items, and I didn't know the answers of half of them (10 altogether). I feel like a failure, but I'm sticking to the "no use crying over spilt milk" attitude, and I'll focus on doing better on the next one. I cannot afford dropping points from my average. I'd become anorexic, or something.

Speaking of, I haven't eaten since saturday. Just drank water, lemonade and coke. And I've been throwing up. Well, actually, I had supper tonight, and I haven't thrown up. Maybe I'm getting better.

Ok, ok, really, I'll break that stupid attitude for a while: I hate myself and I'm stupid.

Done. Now I'll get back to work.

Wait, wait. First I have to say, I HATE RAPPORT, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS!

prev / next