Saturday, 10/01/05 - 8:42 pm.
I love october, but I've started with the wrong foot. I'm fully loaded with assignments, and I even had to tell Joseph that I couldn't come to his house this weekend. He hasn't replied to my e-mail, he could be a little upset. But he understands, deep down. He'd better.
My mood has been quite fragile, and I've felt like crying several times today. I've done nothing but writing papers, by hand or on the keyboard, but I don't think I've made any progress at all. I tried to talk to Michelle when I found her online, but she started to ramble about her problems, which are nine, I counted them. I decided she's worse off than I am, so after trying to comfort her, I just got back to work.
Last night, I dreamed of snow on an isolated road. Joseph was driving, and I just stared out the window, amazed by all that white covering everything. Suddenly, he took a wrong turn, and we drove off a cliff; I remember everything, I remember dying halfway through the impact, when the car hit head on and the windshield started to shatter in my face. I remember screaming a split second before we crashed against the ground.
Tonight, I'm watching the news, watching the isolated roads covered in white. But it's not snow. I'm watching the hot stones that broke the asphalt, and the people running away. I was told to believe in the value of dreams, but not consider them as predictions. It's got no scientific back-up, you know. But sometimes I hear people telling stories of coincidences, I dreamed this and the next day happened that; it's hard to believe, and it's even harder when it happens to yourself.
I'm afraid of driving off cliffs, of my house getting on fire or getting flooded; I'm afraid of flying, and I'm afraid of waking volcanos, particularly of the one whose feet I live at. The one that woke up is less than two hours away by car, but then again, what in this country isn't.