More drama to come, but here's a reason to smile.
Sunday, 09/02/05 - 10:46 pm.

My sunday was kind of productive. I felt bad that I didn't spend it with Joseph, though, and I'm wondering if he's mad at me for that. Yesterday, he came online while I was, and he got disconnected; right now, I'd been "invisible" for a while and I saw him come online, I came "available" and he disappeared.

Ok...well, sometimes he doesn't notice when people come online, and his computer also kicks him out sometimes. So I will not assume anything (except for that paranoid part of me).

I hear Victor wants to talk with us (Irene, Priscilla, Michelle and yours truly), about how much trouble we're having with our working-as-a-team. I have a notion of what he's going to say. I believe he feels blamed and pushed. I admit I push him a lot. But it also drives me crazy how he usually acts so indifferently and sends in everything at the last minute. Last semester he was having this crisis and we had to simply put his name on a collective paper, because he didn't get involved at all. He's either busy or is lazy. That was his last excuse: "I have everything written by hand, I need to type it up, but I'm lazy". Oh, excuse me.

Tomorrow we have to go to that 45-minute-away town again (I'm getting sick of it), but I doubt we'll talk about it just him and me. Speaking of, tomorrow I have a horrible, horrible day, that starts with my 9-11 am meeting. Then it's to the town in the afternoon, and classes in the evening. I'm starting to get really pissed off. This whole weekend I've been contemplating cutting myself, and feeling like it.

These days haven't been very bright in any way. I've been so busy I've -apparently- neglected my boyfriend, I've been dealing with drama on a personal and quasiprofessional level, a volcano erupted and it takes 10 minutes of rain to flood the city.

BUT, last night my dad said something that left me surprised, in awe and hopeful.

I got a call from Maniac, who's been having depressive episodes far too often for my patience (he calls me a few nights a week). After hanging up, my dad, with a friendly, unjudgemental tone says, can I ask an indiscreet question? I said yes, imagining what it was about. What happened to that Joseph guy? He doesn't call anymore, is there anybody else?. I explained that this guy was calling me for "therapy", and with Joseph, things would happen later. Every case is different, of course, and everybody has its priorities, but don't get too stuck on your career like your brother.

Just, wow. I even felt like giving him a big hug for saying that, but I just walked away to grin hard somewhere else. What the hell was that?

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