Monday, 10/17/05 - 9:53 pm.
I think Joseph and I have an anniversary (or monthniversary) today. But I stopped counting long ago.
Perhaps because I was exposed to lesbian porn two days ago, or for whatever reason, I was particularly atracted to him today, in a way that I'd never been. If you excuse that I get all honest, I was feeling like going all the way, sexually speaking. With him. Not with a girl, with him. I feel heterosexual since yesterday afternoon (ok, ok, a little bisexual, but I'm staying with Joseph).
Last night, he and I had a fight. We don't fight often, but he was feeling worthless and I was too touchy. But this afternoon I gave him a cat figure I'd gotten for him, and told him that after a very close exploration of my own body, I was feeling ready to have sexual intercourse. Remember you were hurt, because I'd only do it [have sex] for you? Well, now I want to do it, for me. He smiled.
I hope this stupid libido remains aroused until the weekend.
It seems that my fascination with Ve, and with less intensity with her girlfriend, is fading away. I stayed with the cubicle for a while tonight, after an exam*, and they barely paid attention to me, especially when this guy friend of them (Isaac, I've mentioned him a couple of times) joined. I had nothing to tell them, they had nothing to say to me. Aw, ok.
* I had a long, long exam, which consisted of correcting a WISC (Weschles Intelligence Scale for Children). It was long, did I say that? But I'm confident. I really studied very hard for this, and I hope I'll get a better grade than the first exam.
Tonight, on our way home, I was complaining to my brother about I was lacking time, mostly because of the child abuse project. But he told me the good things: the pay, the experience of seeing a new reality, and the fact that I was chosen and that meant I was good enough to stand out from the rest. That made me a bit more positive. Besides, this means I'm growing up. And I should not complain. Many people, namely Priscilla and Irene have jobs, and they still make it. So I should just be thankful for the opportunity, and get along.