My 20th christmas.
Saturday, 12/24/05 - 10:21 pm.

You could say my christmas celebration was this afternoon, when I went to Joseph's house. On my way there, I bought two Subways. When I got there, we made love, ate the subs and opened our presents.

He actually loved the robot I got him. Although the thing is very stupid, it just walks. Not that I had high expectations, but it just shouldn't be called "robosapien", let alone say it's a fusion of "technology and personality". It's not! He, on the other hand, got me a lighter that says THE BEATLES.

It was pretty cool, the whole thing. Sex, I didn't enjoy it much, I like the foreplay better. Then we sat to eat on a table in his little studio. Then we sat on the bed and opened presents. And then we cuddled. Then I left.

I had dinner with my family, which is always a plus. We took pictures, and my brother and his girlf...fiancee gave us presents. I am ashamed, because we did not get her anything. We didn't know she was going to be back with us, but we're so happy about that, she's such a member of the family.

Right now, though, I feel very lonely. Everybody left and there's only my parents and I. Joseph couldn't come this afternoon, he said he couldn't face my dad after having sex with me. I promise when you come back [from Houston] we'll make everything official. Whatever.

These are the gifts I got: The Beatles lighter, a musical Santa doll (from Joseph's mom), an agenda, from my brother and fiancee, a card from my sister and nephew and...my parents say he didn't get anyone anything, but they bought me a pair of All-Stars a few days ago. Besides, we actually owe them, everything.

The fireworks are starting to crack at the moment. Everybody agreed on the lack of noise lately, which is why it hardly felt like christmas. But fireworks are too dangerous, and you're practically burning your money. Except I'm sorry for the people who make a living out of selling them. In fact, I am sorry for everyone who doesn't have a family, or a meal, or a present right now, which is A LOT of people. That depresses me even more. It probably makes no difference whether I think or not of those people, but I do it, anyway. I pray, too, you know?

Well, I guess I'll go read the book I gave my dad. I have this anticipation right now, like when I was little and I couldn't wait to open the present my brother Alan got me, because he was always my Santa Claus. Except this time I have nothing to justify this anticipation, and nothing that will fulfill it. Such is growing-up.

Happy birthday, Jesus. And merry christmas to all of you, good little people who are reading these lines.

(Oh, no! My dad just started singing sad christmas songs!!! Help me, Lord!!! He gets so depressed)

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