I thought that was him, but it's just the meds.
Monday, 01/09/06 - 10:48 pm.

My nephew stayed home today, he had an appointment with "the doctor" in the morning, for what I understand. He seemed so happy all day, and I figured I'd have him like that the whole day. Thankfully, I was right. Can I say how much I missed him? I've seen him everyday since I came to Houston, but I hadn't seen him being...well, himself.

He played like a little child with his cousin, and they spent almost the whole day together. I thought my brother and his wife had taken the day off, because they were home for a good part of the day. I'm not sure, really. My sister in law did, I believe.

I went to pick up my niece at school this afternoon, and later on, I took the two boys, my nephews, to the park. My brother showed up there some time after us, and I told him how lovely my nephew had been all day, he was being his usual self.

"No, that's not him, that's the meds", he said. I was brokenhearted when I realized he was being this playful, kind kid, the boy I always knew and loved, just because of pills. He's acting like nothing happened these past days, he went on, but he does remember...it's just that he sees things completely different from us, and he feels no remorse about anything of what he did. You see him calm now, but the truth is anything can be triggering for him.

He was a completely different person today, my nephew. He'd happily talk and joke with his parents, hug them, do what he was asked to do...my brother says this is a nightmare. He was very depressed today, and it hurts me seeing all those bloody scars on his forehead, arms and hands, from the fights over the weekend, from the times my nephew attacked him.

I think my sister in law is going to quit her job, to stay home and look after him. It is necessary, it seems, but also very painful, at least from when I see it. She's not the type of person that you'd say "oh, the goal of her life was to be a stay-home mom". I never saw her as such. Although my brother says she'll keep studying, I'm glad about that.

So, she's staying home tomorrow as well. I feel kind of doomed, because I certainly enjoy having the mornings and parts of the afternoons to myself (and to my little nephew, at a certain extent, but that's ok). I needed that very much today, as my period arrived, but luckily I'd brought a pill with me, and the pain eased. Anyway, she could also be staying home because my niece is getting an award tomorrow, for outstanding grades and being miss congeniality to everybody or whatever...the latter, it's because people at school haven't seen her in a bad mood at home, but oh, well.

I'm concerned that this may be triggering for my nephew, since he used to have outstanding grades, too, and was on some honor chart, but now he's not on it anymore; it's not low grades, though, just lower than his own average.

*Sigh* Well, good night.

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