Beware, this is one of those "I love this man!" entries.
Monday, 01/30/06 - 9:30 pm.

Last night at 11:30 pm, I decided to go to Joseph's today. I wasn't going to do it, I was still very upset by his past comments, and when I found him online and he asked "will I see you tomorrow?", I replied "no, why?". I quickly regretted it, though, being so harsh on him. Long chat short, by midnight I'd told him I'd indeed visit him today.

I had to take my dad's car, because the other one had a flat tire. That's good, though, because I prefer my dad's car, it has the stereo, the AC works, the color is less flashy and the car itself is smaller. Except it meant less time, because my dad needed it. But those are details. I put on the Velvet Revolver CD and stopped by Subway first (I made the mistake of taking the CD case with me, when I came back home it was broken).

Joseph opened the door. He'd shaved and had his hair cut -just for you-, which just melts me. It was great holding him again, I'd miss him more than I'd realized. His dad greeted me too, he's just charming. Then we went to his bedroom, to talk about bussiness.

By bussiness, I mean something else. I believe my sex drive has increased, but also, Joseph seemed very much into me, saying I was more gorgeous than ever, and my body had changed, for the better (even though I'd said I'd gained a few pounds in Houston). Even after nearly two years, I'm amazed at the way he feels for me. Of course I feel strongly for him, but it's just odd that someone reciprocates, you know?

So, foreplay. Yay. It was unbelievable. Then we went into the next thing, but apparently, not doing it for a month had taken its toll on me, and he even made me scream. He stared at me, and I was trying to push him away after that, mostly like some sort of reflex. He apologized several times, but he was also in awe, because he'd never heard me scream. And yes, he was right. I don't scream. I didn't even scream at the Aerosmith concert (ha! I went to one of those, can you believe it?!). He can feel special for that.

I honestly get no pleasure from having his genitals rubbed against mine, I just frankly enjoy having him so close, breathing on my neck and stuff. Let's say I love the side effects of having sex, rather than the sex itself. I recalled the first times I went in his bedroom, and it was all so awkward for me, and I'd cry, and I'd even wonder if I honestly wanted to be there. I was so scared because the answer was no, and I feared I'd stopped loving him.

But that's not it anymore. I walk in his bedroom, nearly ready (I withdraw, a little, but I can handle it), and I'm not that ashamed anymore. Well, he's never given me a reason to feel so, quite the contrary. I can't believe how he appreciates every inch of my body, and never misses a chance to tells me so.

I swear to God I was dying for you. And I was so sure I could never have you that I kept trying to find flaws in you, but it'd piss me off I couldn't find any. I asked him if by now he had a list of flaws. No.

We laugh a lot during the intercouse, and in general, my pain and lack of physical pleasure aside, it's a wonderful moment. Afterwards, I told him about how upset I was by his cheating comments, and he explained why he made them and we just worked it out. No, of course he would never cheat on me. And even though he's got these girls throwing themselves at him (I've met a few), after this talk, I trust him completely.

It took me a long while to convince him to get out of me, and another long while to make him stop cuddling so we could eat the subs. And we watched his favorite TV show, about puppets. And he opened and assembled the dragon figure I got him in Houston (yay, he loved it). But the best part was just laying in his bed, talking. I can't believe how in love I am with this man. I wouldn't trade him for anything, and I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with him. But those thoughts were interrupted by my urge to make out again. And we did, insanely (best session ever), but we had to stop because my dad needed the car.

He said he needed a ride to his [relatively new] workplace, which isn't very far from my house. So I told him let's go. And I told him again. And it took me like 10 minutes to unglue myself from him. He started to dress up, and I finished dressing myself (FYI, I cannot eat without clothes on). He looked stunning, I tell you. It's the most handsome I've ever seen him, with a new jacket and his sunglasses.

And I had this incredible rush, just like the one I had after the Aerosmith concert; the smile tearing apart my face, and the heavy breathing. That smile is very suspicious, I'd recommend taking it off before you face your dad, Joseph said. Steven Tyler wasn't joking when he said Aerosmith was like sex...or was it viceversa? Anyway, it's the same goddamn feeling, I swear!!!

So I drove him to work, and on our way there we were listening to my VR CD. He knew the tracks so he skipped to the ones he wanted to hear (he'd bought it when it came out, but somebody stole it when he used to work at the mall). He'd turn to me on every light and kiss me, or tell me how pretty I was. I felt married to this guy and it was wonderful. When we do get married, I'll probably be late for work most every morning.

Successfully hiding my chemical rush, I came right on time to watch Dave The Barbarian with my nephew. Dave The Barbarian is tha bomb, yo'.

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