Monday, 02/06/06 - 9:00 pm.
I have this recurring dream, in which Joseph is in my bedroom, and I have to hide him because someone is coming. Well, this time in my dream it was like he spent the whole day in my house, in the backyard, and then my parents came home.
Then, he'd dissapeared, and I was talking to my mom on her bed. I'm going to keep this short: I told her all of my concerns regarding Joseph and my parents themselves. And I have A LOT, I just haven't been in the mood to put them into words here. But they're enough to make me feel like crying.
I'm so anxious, and Joseph is freaking out about my parents finding out. So on wednesday, I'm planning on seeing him AND telling my parents about it. Yeah, sure, I feel like crap about it, I'm scared of their reaction...but I'm also sick of lying to them, and hiding like I'm doing something wrong by having a boyfriend (let's not get into the sex part).
Well, my dream was actually a nightmare. I was talking to my mom, pouring my heart out, saying all the things I've wanted to say about my relationship, and it seems my mind went all cathartic on me: I got the worst-case escenario, in which my mommy turned into a monster (no, really) and told me everything I've always been scared of hearing from her. It got so ugly that I crawled to the other extreme of the bed, and curled up, and started to cry. I even felt my face frowning hard as I was coming back into consciousness. I woke up, and noticed I'd over slept...I hate that, and I've been doing it since I came back from Houston.
It took me a while to get over that nightmare. I wasn't really crying when I woke up, though. Through the day, I kept telling myself my mom isn't like that, all monster-y. What happened in my dream wouldn't happen in real life, at least not with such violence. So I guess that's gonna be my only comfort when I tell them who I'm going out with this wednesday.
They're pretty nice parents, but I hate them for being so close-minded on certain issues that involve growing up *weeps*.
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