Saturday, 02/11/06 - 9:30 pm.
Sometimes I hate Joseph. He's so insensitive and intolerant toward my feelings. You know, sometimes I get quasidepressed, and start rambling, and I tell him that this or that happened (nothing overly tragic, really) when I was this age and sometimes I get sad about it. "It's because you were dumb". Not exactly why I'd want to hear. Not exactly the way I see things. And anyway, if he isn't going to play along with me, which would be fine, he should just stay away, instead of insulting me and invalidating me. That kid could use an amygdala transplant.
So we sort of engaged in some arguments, two nights ago. About me feeling sad at the moment, and about him putting me down because of that, and I got so upset when he started to praise his insensibility that I simply signed off. I said I was leaving and all, but I left him talking. It hasn't been through the most healthy method, but I've learned to defend myself from his stupid lashings...or rather, to handle the feelings he gives me. Because I obviously can't stop his words to get to them.
I was content with my decision, and self-counseled myself saying that if he was to take this little argument to break up with me, I'd find someone else eventually. But slowly I started to feel guilty, and regretful for leaving him like that. I knew I couldn't sleep if I didn't fix this thing, so I called him and said I was sorry, my computer had frozen and didn't mean to storm off (see, I'm lying again! I'm sick of this!). He said everything was ok. Then I called him again to ask what he was about to say when I went offline. I'd rather not, it doesn't matter now...you know how I get. So maybe it was a good thing that I didn't stick around. "You know how I get" = "I was going to suggest we break up".
He might be insensitive, but he can be such a cowardly drama queen.
On lighter news, this article made me hopeful. Musically speaking.
My parents took me to Subway tonight. They'd never been there. They need to get out more. I myself will be attending a Stone Temple Pilots tribute on march 7th. Joe is playing bass guitar. He's a kid of many talents, I told him. I suppose it isn't as hard to play bass if you can play guitar? It'd take me years to learn, but then again, I'm a loser.