I guess I got the boot.
Monday, 07/17/06 - 8:00 pm.

Well...I'm feeling a bit empty right now. I got news that I wasn't expecting, and on top of it, I'm afraid I gave away the fact that I wasn't expecting it.

Let's begin from the beggining: I had to go to the university twice today. In the morning, I needed my Methods of Evaluation tutor to sign the psychologycal report I was to give to the student I evaluated. And to give closure to my semester as Social Psychology I instructor. (In the afternoon, I was going to give the report to the student, and attend a meeting for the child abuse project...but the afternoon isn't important).

So I went to see Mr. Basket to his office, and we talked about the last evaluations and of the class in general. Then he asked me what my plans for the future were. I don't remember exactly how, but after a few minutes of conversation, he told me, without telling me, that I wasn't going to be his instructor for Social Psychology II, next semester.

The problem is that I've finished my social service, so I don't need any more "hours". The psychology department isn't very keen on having paid instructors, unless the subject it's very demanding. That's not the case of Social Psychology (or Psychodynamics, another subject he teaches, and the one I began my days as an instructor). So, in a nutshell, I feel like I've been fired.

That wouldn't be so bad, probably, if I didn't feel I couldn't handle that news so well. I don't know how my exact reaction was, but I hope Mr. Basket didn't think I was codependent or hung-up on him. He happens to teach the subjects I like the most, so I had to ask for the other subject he teaches. Plus, he's one of the few professors I've heard that does not exploit his instructors.

At least I've left a good impression on him, thus I've got some doors open for the future (he said I could count on him for any intellectual collaboration). He was so happy with my work, that he wanted to give me a recognition beyond the social service hours. He asked me what type of music I liked, he's very knowledgeable when it comes to music (even classic rock bands from the 70s, yay). But in the end I guess he's getting me a book. That's really sweet of him, but it embarrasses me a bit. He really shouldn't. It did seem funny how, when having a casual conversation, he literally takes off and never stops talking. He's very enthusiastic, it seems.

When I left his office, I felt unemployed. And it came to mind that the child abuse project is also coming to an end in a couple of months, and also, that I've finished transcribing interviews...so I'll have no extracurricular commitments. It should've been a relief, but it wasn't. Suddenly I felt I was going to have all this free time that I wouldn't know how to spend.

I've never lost a real job, but I always imagined it'd be like this. I saw all my priviledges going away: no more being called instructor, no more authority to point out at students' mistakes (heh)...no more cubicle and no more own desk, no more a place where I can leave my stuff, or where I can spend my time when it's raining. I'll feel homeless.

I was so sure I was going to be the Social Psychology II instructor next semester, that for a while I thought of not giving back the key to the cubicle. But I did. And I also cleared the drawers of my desk, something I didn't do last semester (so this semester, my stuff was still there). I don't know why I did it, I was so sure it wasn't necessary.

Also, I realized I wouldn't have free pass to get into Cubicle B anymore, where Mr. Basket, the lady in charge of the child abuse project, AND my brother have their offices. The first, because I won't be his instructor anymore; the second, because the project is almost finished; and the third, because he's leaving for Spain in september, to get his PhD. But then I went "duh", in my head, because if I have no bussiness in there anymore, I don't need a free pass.

Speaking of the project, I had a meeting today. I was worried, because I didn't get my june paycheck. Indeed, the funds were to last until may 30th, and Victor and I were going to, like...well, work for free, since the project got its deadline extended until august, and we both were too ashamed to ask. But Mr. PhD will give us a paycheck, he'll get money from other sources (something like making it look we're in another project). It's only fair, getting paid, since we are working, but I'd have probably gone on these two months working for free, stupid and shy as I am.

So that's how things are. I suppose I'll get to "expand my horizons" next semester, and/or I'll be able to focus ENTIRELY on my four subjects. I need that, anyway, since my General Average will drop a lot this semester; I got a lot of 8s, and that disappoints me. I need to kiss goodbye the thought of being a paid instructor, and getting any pay at all. It should be nice, having more time to my own projects, but after being attached to others for so long, I'm still not comfortable with the idea.

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