Sunday, 07/28/02 - 2:48 pm.
I had to wake up at 5:00 am, to take the kids to the airport. I was in a bad, bad mood. And them crying, not wanting to leave, made it worse. I hate seeing them crying. I specially hate having the image of them crying as the last impression. I won't see them again for a long time.
They had to line up, waiting to be checked in (fuckin' 3rd world country airport policy). After one hour, they finally checked in and said goodbye before aboarding. Renan was ok, he was tranquil, trying to smile. Rebeca was crying. It was hard to see them go, but I did my best not to cry. I saw the plane taking off when I was walking in the parking lot, drinking coffee with milk.
Man, I hate the seashore heat when there's not even a seashore nearby.
It was 9:00 am and we went to Subway. I had an apple pie but as much as I love those, it didn't affect me. I was feeling bad. I wanted to go home and I wanted to hear they were at home, in Houston. I hate it when it takes a long time for people to leave, because it just makes for a longer agony of saying goodbye.
We didn't go home right away. We had to go drop my mom off in some place, and then my sister in some other place. Then Javier, my dad and I came home at around 10:30. It was an eternal morning, just like yesterday. It felt like hell.
My only comfort was my Aerosmith tape that I listened to -twice- on our way back home.
Going to the airport is quite an experience. I always see nuns.
Yeah, well, aside from that, you see all kinds of emotions there. It depends what are you there for. If it's the arrivals lounge, it's all tears of happiness. If it's the departures lounge, like today, it's all tears of sadness.
I wish I could've gone, too. Since I traveled for the first time, everytime I go to the airport I wish it was me the one supposed to get on the plane.
The song I had in my mental jukebox when I woke up was Since I don't have you, by Guns n' Roses. It was so strong, so loud, that I had the urge to listen to it (and I also wished I'd been the one who wrote it, doesn't it happen to you?) so I downloaded it. To make it all worse, my emotional period has arrived even later than the physical one and I'm in the middle of it. That song is not the best one to cheer you up, and the things that have happened to me this weekend (except Art and Cel's visit) have definitely not put me in the best mood. And I still miss him greatly, by the way. I remembered he's leaving for L.A. this upcoming week...and I thought a lot about him and his departure, and the airport....and stuff.
I don't want anyone to knock on the door, I don't want the phone to ring and I don't want anyone talking to me. I had to wake up early to go do something I didn't want to. I said I didn't want to go. I want everybody to leave me alone.
Funny thing is no one is around and no one is talking to me. But it feels that way. I want to be alone...or find something to make me feel better (well, to make me feel good).
You know what's funnier? I don't even have anyone to dedicate Since I don't have you to, because I've never really "owned" any of the boys I've loved, I've never really had any of them.
I think the kids have already arrived to Houston by now. I hope so. I hope they're already in their parental units' arms, telling them how much fun they had, and how they wished they could be here and there at the same time, because they love both places.
Aside from a few moments, I have not had a good weekend.
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