Sunday, 10/29/06 - 10:29 pm.
There's something worse than Joe, and that's Melvin. Months can go by without me thinking about him, but suddenly he steps into my thoughts and I...miss him. I don't know why, I shouldn't.
See, I got a message from him last night, after months, years, of not speaking; I only see him in photographs, in his profile online, but even that happens rarely. He was replying to a message I sent him, months ago. And I felt this...thing. My heart melted as soon as I saw his name.
And it's stupid. I know that if I saw him right now my bubble would burst; I'm being too romantic about him. It's just that I remember all those details, like the stickers he gave me, the acronym he made with my name (corny, but he called me smart and beatiful, so leave me alone), the evening in which he almost kissed me on the lips. And just last night, I remembered that one day he came from behind and covered my eyes. I know it's a stupid detail, but my heart skipped a beat when he did it.
I was his friend, in a way or two. I wanted to call him my best friend, and I wanted him to consider me the same, but there were always all those girls he had flings with. He used to show me pictures of his girlfriends, and I'd help him write love letters to them. I knew it was impossible, nobody liked me like that, much less someone like him, but somehow I was at peace with that idea, and I was quite content knowing I had his trust.
So last night I was DYING to talk to him. To see him. I thought and thought and thought about him...and excuse the moment of weakness, but I wanted to go back in time, I still wanted him. And those feelings were hitting me hard, to point of thinking, yeah, I'd leave Joseph if Melvin came back into my life. What a piece of shit, huh?
I'm not thinking like that anymore at the moment; usually my passion wears out by the morning after...but some of that remains. And I keep thinking. It's useless, of course, it's the past, etc. I know. But for some reason I've stayed with this fixation. Four years; five or six, actually, since he got in school in 8th grade. Damn.
But seriously...he's not my type. I'm not his type. I'm looking at his profile again more closely, I don't think I could've ever lived up to his lifestyle. It was cute whatever connection we had, but nothing really happened. We're friends and we're very fond of each other (I hope). The end.
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