Tuesday, 12/ 12/06 - 9:55 pm.
I've been on an emotional rollercoaster, thinking of this stupid problem with my friends (here and herehere). Nobody has really said anything, except for Michelle, who's been supporting me, and encouraging me to talk about it with the rest of the gang.
Today we were supposed to get together to close the semester, having something to eat. Irene and HusbandFather didn't show up at Victoria's house. Michelle, Victor and I did, and just talked. We didn't eat a thing, and then it was time to go to the university, because we had a role playing, in Psychological Treatment. And with that activity, my trips to the university are over, until february. Yay.
Well, back on topic. Now I'm thinking what to do about my friends. When I'm with them, I chicken out, and I certainly wouldn't be able to talk about it. I was thinking a long e-mail, and then a short one. I don't know. But I guess for now the whole thing will sink in. Victor never said a word, and he was the one I feared the most that would bring the subject up. He didn't, so, meh.
For now, I just feel tired, and yet relieved. I'm done with everything, I only have to go to my social service a couple of times more and to the gynecologist (AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! NOOO!!!). I can FINALLY dedicate some time to cleaning up my room and start to pack my bags. My parents and nephew leave on saturday, I leave the next one with my sister. Although I'm nervous, I hate leaving the house practically alone with my pets (Rose will come over almost everyday, and a trusted, lifetime friend/relative of my dad will spend the nights...but still).
I need to see Joseph more often these days, to make up for the two monhts I'll be away. I saw him today, and in strictly genital terms, I'd never felt so great. But...I was lacking the emotional connection, so I asked him to stop a little too soon. The physical sensations are ok, but what I need is a "feel"...I wasn't "into it" mentally. Strange. When I'm "into it, mentally", my body is sore afterwards. Today, it was the best thing ever, no unpleasant sensation, during or afterwards, just tickling. But...I guess I need something else.