Joseph this and Joseph that.
Monday, 12/18/06 - 9:57 pm.

I took out my suitcase this morning, and started packing. Frog has changed completely since that moment, and hasn't eaten anything, and instead, threw up in the afternoon. I'm afraid she's sick, because she's also shaking from time to time. It could also be only a coincidence, she's sick from something else. Still, I'm worried about her.

1, my ex-boyfriend just contacted me (we dated for 6 months in 2003, and we lasted that much because I couldn't tell him I had no feelings for him all along). I sort of apologized for treating him bad, but it seems that, other than a few opinions he has on how I was at the time we hook up, he doesn't quite mind. Alright, I say. I had no feelings for him at all, but I am sorry for the way I broke his heart repeteadly.


I keep saving my older entries, and last night I came across the time when I met Joseph, april-may 2004. It's a real treasure, all those entries.

I was laughing out loud, and amazed at everything that was going on: I was heartbroken because I thought he considered me a little sister, how he'd always show up again and again and again in a day (at the time I didn't know it was a well thought-out move from him), how I thought he was my ideal guy and I adored him, etc.

And he was (is) incredibly funny and witty. At the time I thought I was probably being too corny, writing Joseph this and Joseph that in this diary, but looking back, I'm glad I did, because there's so much to look at, even since before I knew who he was.

I had to show all this to Joseph (just copy&paste, never show him this diary). At first he thought I was making it up, but then he was remembering, too. He wasn't aware of my real feelings, so it was hard for him, in a way. In a good way. He was in awe that from day one I thought he was THE boy for me.

It's good to remember the begginings. The relationship is very different now, it's an adult relationship; but the feelings are the same. We're very commited to each other. Yesterday we went out for breakfast and spent some time together in the morning; this afternoon, we just hung out in his bedroom and I looked at his tattoos (*cough* and more). He's wonderful, and he's still the guy that dies for me, looks after me every second, and makes me laugh. I didn't think a guy like him would ever exist in my life, nor that I'd have feelings for someone this long. In fact, I've been thinking of marrying him in 2008, but that'll depend on many factors.

The first week we were dating, I spoke on the phone to one of Joseph's gay friends. He asked me how he was in bed; how would I know then? I just laughed nervously. Now I can use the clich´┐Ż-but-quite-accurate line: "oh, he's a god".

Meh, I could go on. I thought a lot about him after reading those old entries, and examined our relationship. He makes me really happy, and I love where we are right now. It's been tough; we started out nicely, it got very sour to the point of breaking up,'s over. We learned from mistakes and we're better than ever.

- Me: I've just been told by two people that we are perfect for each other.
- Him: I think they mean we're both freaks.

I was told that only three days after we'd started dating. That was about two years and a half ago.

prev / next