Friday, 12/22/06 - 5:07 pm.
Next time I write, it'll be from Houston. I'm starting to get nervous as the time to board the plane approaches (1:20 pm tomorrow). The packing nightmare begins, and the ambivalence of wanting to stay kicks in.
But first, the gyno appointment. My sister took me, and she was a great support. I wasn't nervous. The doctor was a sweet lady, and I had no problem telling her my stuff. But...then it happened. I lied down there, and something cold came inside, and I was crying, and it's THE WORST PAIN I'VE EVER FELT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. She kept telling me to relax, that it was going to be ok, but I thought she was tearing apart my intestines with an ice knife. What an awful pain, I feel like crying just remembering that.
You haven't had intercourse much, have you? Why, actually, yes, ma'am. Especially this week. She says that it must hurt because I don't relax and can't keep my hips on the ground (later Joseph said it's true). Fuck this shit, at least I won't have to go through this again until next year. The cytology, that's what hurt. I didn't know she'd do that, but all in all, I'm glad she did. The results will be ready in january, and my sister will call for them.
She says I have a good pelvis, and that my cramps are normal. She didn't go as deep as I thought in some subjects (but she did go deep in OTHER places, and even right now I feel pretty uncomfortable), but she's very gentle, just what I needed. My sister recommended me her gyno, but warned me she was a bit rude. NOTHANKYOU.
I had to call Joseph when I came home, because I needed to vent. I was hurting. He was quick to realize there'd be no sex this afternoon, and I thank him for that. We spent it just talking. I love him so much, and I'll miss inmensely.
I'll see him again tonight. I don't know for how long. I'm going out with my brother, sister in law and sister for dinner, and afterwards I'll see him. I'm even thinking of spending the night with him and coming early.
I just would hate to leave Frog tonight. she has ups and downs, and although at times I think she's getting better, she starts shaking again and I fear she'll pass away while I'm in Houston. She seems alright at the moment.
Oh, well. Here's a picture of the cats, that I never got around to post it. Nena's the one in the background, although I'm aware they look the same in this picture.
And while we're at it, here's Frog, getting all poetic: