Saturday, 01/13/07 - 11:55 pm.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was very scared of having to deal with my niece in february, when my brother and his wife leave for Florida for a week. Yesterday she was rude and disrespectful to my brother, just because he asked her to get off his laptop, after a long time of using it and ignoring her grandparents. How would I deal with her explosions, and her lack of tolerance for limits?
I hated her so much last night, I hated how rotten she is sometimes. I wished she'd never been born. I was scared she'd run away, or take advantage of his parents' absense in any other way. I was thinking of the worst-case scenarios with her, while also trying to come up with ways to set the limits, to make the rules clear, to think of possible consequences she should face, if she decided to lose any respect she'd have for me and my borrowed parental authority.
My parents were leaving this morning, so I also started thinking that I wanted to go home with them and not have to deal with this bitch anymore. I got to talk to Joseph for a while, enough to describe my situation. I was relieved that he agreed with me, she's a stupid little girl and needs to start growing up mentally (but I also pointed out to him that her dramatic views are very common among people her age).
Part of me said that I should give her a break. That I should learn from my brother and her wife, how unconditional their love and caring for her is, even though she yells rude things at them, and gets violent to the point of throwing and breaking stuff. She probably needs unconditional support and niceness, but I DON'T WANT TO BE NICE TO HER, THAT'S ALL!!!. It's not like she deserves it, although I know that sarcasm and rudeness are worse options.
I cried a lot: I was so sorry for what my brother has gone through with her, I wanted to go home with my parents, I was scared of what she could do while I was in charge...
This morning she and my brother had a fight. He told her something about the computer, she exploded with her "WHAT?!?!?!"'s and "I KNOW!!!!!!"'s and I don't know how it went, but she ended up crying. Last night I wanted to tell him to not let her use his laptop anymore; she always gets rude when she's told to log out, like it was her computer, to begin with. But anyway...my little nephew wisely stayed away from it all, even though they were fighting in the room he was in. He told me later he ignored her crying. It's the thing to do, I'm sorry to say it. If you show some concern, she blows you off with a LEAVE ME ALONE, or something like that.
Later, my brother and his wife were yelling because both were saying the other had agreed to take my niece to her gym class. My niece was yelling, too; actually, she was the first to start doing so. My brother was deeply sadenned by my parents' departure, so he was also not feeling very well. Then my niece started yelling at my brother that he was yelling at everybody. But he was yelling, also, because he was downstairs, and his wife, upstairs. They were mad, though.
A few times I've wanted to tell my brother and his wife that they shouldn't disagree with one another in front of their children (one says my niece can't go some place, the other says she can). And I might add this thing of yelling, now that I've seen it. My family is not perfect, and although there's always been conflicts, there was never any yelling (just once, but I can't remember why); if you yell, you're too defensive to really listen. But I know it's not nice that you go and advice someone on parenting and raising children, when you don't even have kids yourself.
Through the day, I've been feeling less worried. When my niece came back from gym class, I handed her some food my SIL asked me to prepare for her. She was very polite and thanked me. And she seemed to be in a good mood. My little nephew, her cousin, made her laugh a lot, also.
At night, I was asked to go rent some movies. They give me the car (they trust me), and the membership card (I literally steal all their memberships). I go off under the rain, with my little nephew, who praises my driving skills. When we came home, the four of them, brother-SIL-nephew-niece were watching TV, like the happiest family on earth. I watched a movie with the kids, while my brother and SIL went to their own room, one to sleep and the other to watch another movie. Then it ocurred to me they'd probably been thinking all along of leaving me with the kids for the evening. But it's ok. They could use some children-free time; and I learn a lot. I kinda like being in charge.
So it was a lovely evening with the children. They all were in a great mood (both my nephews usually are charming and hilarious), and we joked while watching the movie. And it wasn't very difficult getting them to bed. My niece was a completely different person from the one she was this morning.
Now I'll go to bed myself. I want to make very clear that I miss my parents, the rest of my siblings, Joseph, Rose, Frog, the cats and even the parrot. But other than that, things are quite alright. At least for now, I can't complain.
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