Monday, 03/05/07 - 9:45 pm.
I've been trying to stay away from computers as much as I can, out of fear of needing glasses. I don't have the need for those, not that I'm aware of. But lately, four people close to me have brought up topics relating to headaches and short-sight. I got a headache myself a few days ago, but it was indeed my fault for spending too much time in front of the monitor.
Through my friend Angie, I met this guy, Luke. Obviously I got all giddy and stupid, but it's all good, clean fun. I mean, she's in Minnessotta, and the guy happened to be on her computer, and we started talking. He's Angie's affair. He seemed interested in me, but you know how the online world is. And we only spoke for about 15 minutes. Maybe we can talk regularly and be friends, though, he's funny and witty.
Tonight my mom talked to my sister and I about the episode I refered to one or two entries ago, about Rose wanting to have the weekend off. That happened, but my dad is very sore. He scolded my mom saying he was the authority, and that she should never bring up such topics at the table, because...hey, I'm there, and I speak my mind.
I suppose for a long time I tried to avoid using the word "abusive" when talking about the way my dad treats my mom. My sister is very gender-aware, a hardcore feminist, so she had no problem saying, like I'd have liked to say, that we love our father very much but he has a pathology. Seriously...my dad speaks of the way my aunts treat their husbands (well, one divorced), basically putting them aside. But my dad is not so far away from that! My mom said that if she wasn't the way she is, she would've hit him or gotten hit by him. Or you'd have left, I said. Yes.
My mom is very strong, and she's endured a lot of humilliation. Since the Rose episode, my dad's avoided being in the house, and he took away to the key to the mailbox so that he'll be the only one to check it. He's acting like Rose has betrayed us and is leaving, when all she asked for was having the weekends for her family. See, my dad is very eloquent when speaking about the exploitation of the poor and the importance of working on family unit...not so easy when it touches your very own interests, huh, pal?
And in his interests comes also the fact that the woman has a place. I always thought he had a more evolved thought when it came to gender equity...again, only for the outside world. He thought what I said when standing up for Rose was coming solely from the affective side. And in general, for instance, there you have my mom cooking for him and doing everything, and he always hides in the excuse that he never learned. I love to cook, but it pisses me off having to do it for him. I help my mother in the kitchen, but I do it for her, not for him. He acts like he's a fucking cripple with no hands, and yet he still whines and whines about the food, to the point of not eating the main plate. There's either too much food or too little. You never win.
It's amazing the amount of self-pity that my father has. You'd think he's the most miserable person on earth. He's gone through a rough time since his sisters became religious fanatics and stabbed their families in the back, but you know...he has us; he has a woman that cares about him. He's very healthy for a 70 year-old man, and most of his physical pain come from him not following instructions such as "go for a walk everyday" and "stop drinking soda and eat vegetables". He also gets in a race with my mom. She's rarely sick, but sometimes something kicks in...and when that happens, you know you'll get an e-mail from dad, detailing carefully all the medicines he's taking and this old injury that's come back to haunt him.
Anyway! My mom and sister talked for a while about that, all the things going on with my dad. I mostly listened, but I agreed, and I knew all that. Things aren't well, but I know nothing's going to happen. My dad will keep rotting (by choice), and my mom will keep enduring everything. She knows her five kids are on her side, and my sister told her not to worry about us in the choices she makes. Ok, well, it's not a matter of taking sides, nobody's leaving dad alone. But it's worrisome.