Sunday, 03/11/07 - 10:06 pm.
I told my mom this afternoon that I was going out for coffee with Joseph. She said that was ok, but he should also come pick me up from time to time, because I was always the one giving him a ride (it slipped my mind telling her he pays for everything).
15 minutes laster, I was back home. She asked what was wrong, and I told her he had an emergency at work and couldn't make it for our date.
The truth was I got to his house, and he wasn't there. He was at work. And I got furious because I'd told him I'd visit him in the afternoon, and he didn't mention anything about working. I called him, but just to let him know I was there. I played with Waffles for a little while, left a CD he'd asked me to make, and then took off, thinking that next time he wants to see me, he will have to look for me.
He called me at night, I didn't think he would. I figured he'd apologize online, but he did call and said he was really, really sorry for our misunderstanding, and he knew I was deeply mad. I was, but I also was aware that it really wasn't anybody's fault.
I decided to tell him what I felt, which was what my mom had told me, but I'd already been thinking about: I'm always the one who looks for him. And if you're going to say you did that for a year, that's fine, but I've been doing it for almost two years now, so if it's a matter of debt, I've cleared mine.
There's a time-off in the horizon, but I'm not sure. He knows I'll be too busy during this semester (the heaviest of the entire career), but in such case, I only need him to understand this or that week I won't be available. He knows. He knows my priorities, and he respects them. That's enough. I don't want a time-off.
BUT...yes, there are frictions between us. We're in love with each other and all...but now I'm demanding (demanding, yes) that he looks for me more often, and I'm bitter about all the times I've asked him for that before. He says he hasn't because when he could, I couldn't. Yeah, right.
And at the moment, I got him pissed off. Yeah, well, I'm really glad. He says he's very angry, "I know, you're always angry when I bring up this subject", I said. And then comes the second part of the play, in which, after being angry, he turns dramatic and drags himself accross the mud, saying he's a human piece of crap. And I told him so, with those words.
- Him: you know what, let's talk some other day.
- Me: ok.