"Nothing that required psychoactive drugs, though".
Friday, 06/29/07 - 10:44 pm.

Today was the last day of the semester. I usually don't have class on fridays and today was no exception. But I still went to university, to get my paycheck (!) and run some errands. I turned in an article for Social Inadaptation and got some photocopies.

Joe was in line at the campus bank. He was getting his check, too. He waved at me meaning he sneak me in, but that would've been unfair for the people behind him. And I was also with Sulley, so that'd have been sneaking two people in. Not cool. But speaking of cool, I just realized it'd have been really nice to stand that close to him for a while. He's lost a huge deal of his appeal to me, but I still have a soft spot for him.

Slowly but surely, I'm finishing my assignments. At times I feel like I'll burn out, but I take my time to breathe. My big nephew is here, he arrived today (his flight last night was cancelled due to stormy weather). Joseph is kind of mad at me for not having time to see him. I understand he is, but understanding that doesn't give me any spare time. Sorry, man. I called him tonight to see if we could eat something, but he was busy. We're going out for lunch tomorrow.

Also, tomorrow is shopping day with Victoria. Not the shallow type of shopping. Toy-shopping, for our kid at the public school. We got his results from the evaluations and now we're writing a manual on how to work on all the areas he needs to improve in...basically, all (memory, attention, comprehension, movement, self-esteem). But he's a nice kid, and we're fond of him. So we need to get toys, that serve a purpose: to stimulate any/every of the areas.

And I suppose the highlight of the day was talking to W. Background: he was my Psychological Treatment professor last semester, and he's a friend of my brother #3's...and let's say he's become my friend, too. I mentioned once that I met him when I was like 10 years old, and now we're talking of me becoming his instructor for next semester.

It's such an ego-boost, he's going to give me full freedom to develop my own evaluation criterion, and he chose not to take another gal to help me out, because I told him I didn't trust her. She'd asked him to be his instructor, but she'd be working ad honorem and he isn't comfortable with that, as selfless as it could be. Plus, she's already his instructor, and she doesn't work well under pressure. Well, I said, it's not that I don't like her, I just don't get that "she's someone I'd like to work with" feeling. So he said that was enough to make up his mind.

I'm assuming he's a good therapist, because he makes me feel good...in a sanitary way, FYI. I don't like him, but I've been studying all the traits a good therapist should have and he has a few. I feel entirely accepted and trusted.

However, that's perhaps why he also tries to explore my psyche. You see, I lent him my copy of Prozac Nation, so he could get some ideas for his PhD graduation work. We've discussed the book a little, and yes, it's a book that requires for you to be in a particular mood. Otherwise, you'll be simply annoyed by the character.

I once told him it used to be my favorite book. I read it and read it, and he's hinted one could not read a book like that that many times if it wasn't for a personal affinity, or maybe the fact that the book is putting words to something one hasn't been able to define. Bingo.

Yeah, ok, so I hinted today that indeed, I feel a little defective sometimes, and for no other reason that a possible chemical imbalance. I briefly explained him that I kinda enjoyed being in an "altered state of consciousness", as he put it. But I didn't tell him that I used to cut. Maybe for the next therapy hour...I mean, professional professor-instructor meeting.

It didn't upset me at all, that he was exploring this subject of mine. In fact, I was really enjoying talking about this. Besides this journal and S., I haven't talked about it to anyone (partly because I maintain I'm overblowing everything and I have no right to feel that way). He seemed intrigued. I suppose I have a few tiny depressive tendencies, although I'd never go as far as saying that I've suffered such thing. I used to think I was dysthymic or cyclothymic. I kind of wish I were, though. I told W I was fond of my altered states, and...yeah, I sort of am. I feel like crap, but I embrace feeling like crap.

Funny conversation. I'm secretly hoping for it to repeat. And while I'm at it, I hope I'll get paid part-time, because he's got a lot of plans for me. I mean, I liked what I heard, I like being in charge and I appreciate his trust in me...but I'm still taking four subjects, you know? I need good incentives.

And now I'll be retiring. I've been working on the computer all night. My eyes are irritated and I fear at this rate I'll end up wearing glasses even before my graduation process (I have a friend who needed glasses because of his graduation work).

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