Every night there's a party/I wish he came with me.
Sunday, 12/30/07 - 10:28 pm.

Almost every evening has been a family get-together. I call them rehearsals, first for christmas and then for new year's eve. Right now, the whole bunch (14 people, all my family except for brother #2's wife's mother) is downstairs, after a nice meal. I made BBQ ribs that were pretty good, if I say so myself.

I really enjoy being with my family, but I'm really tired, hence I'm upstairs at the moment. I went shopping today...or rather, I drove brother #3 and his wife to a store, and I ended up getting a few things for myself, AND they ended up paying for them. They've gone overboard with the shopping, which is both cool and alarming.

I hate to think I'm leaving on the 2nd, in just a couple of days. See, I'm torn between wanting to leave, perhaps because I've programmed myself to accept it, and between not wanting to go back to reality. I miss Joseph, I miss my pets, but I'm not too keen on the idea of getting back. And perhaps I also want to leave because groups of people bother me a little, even if that group is my family.

In my head, I sustain a love-hate relationship with Joseph. There are days in which I realize he's not the one for me, and that we're truthfully doomed as a couple. For lots of reasons. The rest of the time, on the other hand, I just think how wonderful it is that I found him, I realize how head over heels I am about him, etc. It's awful.

I want to get a master degree, you know. That thought revolves my head, more strongly now that I should start looking for universities and scholarships. Joseph said he would come along, but any non-spanish speaking country ruins the plan. And that sucks, because I want Canada, or the States...I'd like to avoid going across the pond, actually. A lot of people say Spain for me, but I'm not too crazy about that....well, I'd think about it too, if Joseph came. I guess I'll have to crawl to his feet...and bribe him with a Nexon card for that MapleStory game. I don't know. I'm really scared about this whole thing.

Well, I guess I should join the party downstairs.

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