My 23rd, and the person who's shaken my world.
Friday, 01/18/08 - 10:10 pm.

My plans for my 23rd birthday: make raviolis and watch Sicko. That, and the unbereable task of keep struggling with subjects for my thesis.

As it turns out, I'll be alone on my birthday. I'm ok with that. My brother #3 and wife and my sister will take me out for dinner on sunday. The rest of my family is in Houston, and without a doubt I'll get a call from them. A few of my friends from school will remember, and the gang, too. Oh, and Joe, who tried to hold my hand one of these days, and hugged me for my birthday, and for the first time we kissed on the cheek to say goodbye, instead of the awkward waving.

Joseph might call. He was really angry for me walking out on him. I kinda told him it wasn't because he was asleep, and that I still think I did the right thing. Anyway, he went to Guatemala today, coming back on sunday. I'm so disappointed. I don't really think my birthday is a big deal, but it's kinda painful that he thinks the same thing. Or maybe he doesn't, but he seems kind of uninterested lately.

I've been very distracted with the thesis thing, but I stop and think/feel that I'm in love with Joseph. Something's missing, though. I think HE is missing.

Today I directed a lab, for Introduction to Psychology. It's only 6 people, and one girl told me she had good references about me. They say you're a great instructor, the best instructor ever. This kid I met last semester (I was his instructor for Psych. of Learning) told her...I was touched. And I think we stablished a good instructor-student relationship. That's always wonderful.

But one of the most important things that have happened to me is the patient I'm seeing right now. She's a friend of my boss/friend W's, and he kept saying he couldn't trust anyone but me to see her. He's following the case closely, he's my adviser. But the reason why he let me have the case was not really the direction my session with her took.

Hers is a brutal story, about gang-rape which resulted in pregnancy, and a conservative family who never believed her and blamed her for whatever happened. That was 7 or 8 years ago, but she still carries that weight. W believed she had recovered from that, as she saw a psychologist and she claimed she'd worked on that. But believe me, she hasn't. Her emotions were all over the place.

After thanking me for agreeing to work with her, she jumped right into the sexual assault subject...not into details, but she brough it up a few times, defining it as "cruel" and "inhuman". I thought "I was told last semester that I'm not supposed to see survivors of abuse". I was not prepared for this, academically. If I'd been a volunteer at the clinic, they'd have never given me a case of such nature.

Alas, I was grateful for this, and I do feel prepared. Rape has always been such a touchy subject for me, but eventually all that fear (I'm still aware that I, as any other woman, am at risk everyday, especially in a country like this one) has made me get very well informed, and turned into an interest that makes me want to do something about it, from my field.

W asked if I felt uncomfortable, and I said no. This isn't about what might happen to me, but what happened to her, and how can she and I can work together so she can have the fulfilling life she deserves and has been denied. I don't know how cliche that sounds, but I mean it, every word.

It's a twist, actually. W didn't think I'd have to work on the abuse, but it's a must. And I'm up for it. She's incredibly strong and is very motivated. Only after you have someone in front of you, that's gone through that, you understand why they're called survivors.

And that's all for the last day of me as a 22 year-old.

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