Thursday, 8/15/02 - 6:25 pm.
After God knows how long, I got to spend a recess all by myself. I hadn't noticed how much I missed solitude. Not that I'm not happy by spending time with my people, it's just...that I too enjoy being alone. And I hadn't done that in a long time.
This morning I had the feeling Denv and I are just boyfriend and girlfriend. Unnoficially, you could say we are. He asks me for permission to do things and stuff...a couple with a high degree of indepedence, though. The kind of couple that's formed by two individuals, and each has a life, besides the partner. It was a nice feeling.
Up to that point, everything is ok. But this afternoon, shortly before I left school, Claudia (Norman's ex-girlfriend -they broke up because Claudia's parents made them do it-) was telling Norman how Denv treated her. In an "extremely" friendly way. Then for the first time today I landed in reality. What if it's all made up? I mean...I have made that up...our relationship is not a real "relationship"...what if he likes her?. For what she was telling...oh, forget it. Yeah, ok, I still have to convince myself that he and I are just friends, no matter what we pretend to be. He doesn't have feelings for me...he does not.
Still, I couldn't help feeling jealous and pissed off. Of course I pretended I wasn't really listening, or that I didn't care. I kept copying something off Norman's notebook. But in the inside...I was cursing him. And her. I'm a jealous individual.
I wish we cleared things up. Sometimes it's like he doesn't care about me and the next minute it's like he...well, he does. Actually, the optimal condition would be that I stopped wondering crap, and I just enjoyed the relationship as it is.
Well, onto shallow subjects about him, he happens to own Revolution X, the Aerosmith game. He didn't know he owned it. Oh, sacred fuck...I could've stoned him.
This afternoon we didn't have classes, because Geovanni was absent. On thursday, classrooms B and D have classes until 4:00 pm. There's a guy who everybody calls Omie. He's part of Art's gang and maybe the one who drinks and smokes the most. We've never talked but he's very funny. He's in room A but sometimes in the afternoon he stays to wait for Art and other kids. Sometimes on thursday afternoon he sneaks in and takes the classes with us (room D). It's pretty funny.
So like I said, this afternoon we had it off. So the members of the gang in my classroom (Art, Vic, Patch, Pereira, Yaha...) started to "play". There's a well known move on the soccer field, and let's just call it sweeping someone off the ground. It's like those moves a baseball player does to reach the base...or like you're trying to steal the foot ball from someone. But you only slip in order to make someone fall. So that's what they did this afternoon in the classroom. It looked so damn funny. They all wound up with bruises, it looked like a Mtv Jackass episode. They'd be swept off the ground by each other. They flew, I kid you not. And then they'd land on the other. It looked painful. The sound of bones being smashed against the cold floor was even more painful. But you just couldn't help crack up. Now that's a Kodak moment.
Oh, well...I have to go. Tomorrow there's gonna be some meeting. We have the UCA people at school to give us a pep talk or something. As you already know, I'm going to the UCA to study psychology next year....um, joy.
Hey, what do you know...if we go by numbers, I've written here for a year. This is my 365th entry. But since we go by time....this does not matter at all.