Tuesday, 07/01/08 - 7:08 am.
I'm burned out. It's amazing how all these events have come together to crush me. And even though I'm tired, I'm widely awake at 6 am. I have a long list of things to do before dad comes from the hospital, but also I need to pour my mind out and release some of this.
So my mom had surgery on tuesday, the day of my last entry. All went well but her face is still swollen and tomorrow she has another small surgery. I was left in charge of waking up at 2 and 5 am to give her her medicine because my dad is incapable of doing so. And until then, it was easy to handle. My mom helps out in her own recovery process.
The weekend came, and I had deadlines from the university: learn about meditation for my patient and prepare exercises for her (argh); finish my thesis draft, which is impossible because my group never finishes its part and we never get together to discuss the results; and spend time with my Nephew #1, because for the first time in his trip, we'd have him for the weekend. And we weren't going anywhere because of my mom.
I worked on my thesis on saturday morning. In the afternoon I went to the supermarket to do the weekly shopping and run some errands that my mom couldn't get done this week. My dad told me to go with him, but I refused. I don't like going with him and I took Joseph instead, who's far more helpful. At night, a movie marathon with my sister and my two nephews. Had I known what was coming next, I would've worked that night.
On sunday morning, I woke up to my dad screaming. I thought it was an indigestion from the snacks last night, but after seeing it went on and on, we took him to the E.R. My sister was supposed to come at 9 am to take my two nephews swimming. It was 10 am and she hadn't showed up, typical of her. My Nephew #1 was frustrated, with all reason. She always does that.
She came, eventually, and she and I we spent four hours at the E.R. while a doctor checked my dad. We came home in the afternoon, knowing he had stones in some organ (not the kidney) and a suspicious heartbeat. The afternoon was to make up to my nephews and to fill in my brothers on my dad's condition. From then on it was an exhausting process of checking my dad's exams, and my brothers in Houston (doctors) said the doctor that saw him was incompetent and the results were contradictory and he had no especialization so he didn't read the heart thing properly. Phone calls and phone calls. Until 6 to 10 pm on sunday night, phone calls and decisions. Everybody was involved and I wondered if that was doing more harm than good.
We were tense, with no answers, and to make matters worse, Brother #1 said he felt left out of the decision-making and was pissed off. It took my mom 30 minutes to calm him down over the phone, and my brother and sister here were pissed off at him for being so childish. Exhausting. On top of that, we still didn't know what to do.
My brother #2 sent us to see a friend of his yesterday, a surgeon. Brother #3 and I came along with my dad in case he needed us, but by then he was much better. I'd never been to the general hospital so I took it as a good opportunity to learn, and also to be with my dad, who has always been by my side when I am sick (he's still incapable of giving me a pill, but he'll take me and pay anything for me to get better). Nearly five hours there.
And today he might go into surgery, depending on the results of the new exams. I'd have to take him. And tomorrow, I take my mom for her own surgery. I play the nurse for both of them, and considering they've always done it for me, I don't mind. But I also have to play the mom and dad part, getting up early to make sure my Nephew #1 catches his school bus and stuff. I'm so burned. I need to go to the university to get away from this madness.
I'm so, so pissed off at...I don't know at what or who I should be pissed at, but I am. W., my boss, told me yesterday "you couldn't get much done during the weekend, huh?" and even suggested that I cancelled my patient that day because I wasn't quite prepared. I said I'd go on, and the session was pure shit.
Yes, I am pissed off at all the things going on. Even the smallest thing, like helping Joseph with his english homework feels like a burden. Last night it was very annoying because he had to write about a happy childhood memory and he didn't even have a childhood so I had to come up with a story. It was hilarious at first but after some time I got bitter, angry and tired and I think I hurt him a little and we called it a day. He has a job interview today, and I was hopeful and excited, but I started to tell myself not to be so. I don't think he'll get it. He's just not prepared, man.
My niece and sister in law arrived from Houston yesterday. I didn't see them, I don't know when I will. I'm not particularly thrilled to see my niece, I guess this is one of those moment when you say "this isn't a good time".
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