Saturday, 10/25/08 - 8:32 pm.
Today I gave away one of my parrots. The tiny one we found in a tree about two years ago. Why? I cannot stand animals living in cages. I do have another parrot, but it's bigger and my cats fear him, so he can be outside his cage whenever he wants; we leave the door open.
I'd take the tiny one once in a while, but we had to be always looking out for the cats. Plus, his cage hung in front of my window, and everytime I'd go into my room, I'd see him clinging onto a corner of the cage. I'd feel sick. At night, he'd had to endure the light coming out of my window, sometimes until very late.
So, no. I love this parrot, which is precisely why I found a better home for him (her?). It was hard making that decision, because he was very funny and cute. It was hard, but I wanted that. Keeping him for my amusement only, under the circumstances listed above, would be nothing but selfish.
I didn't have to look for long for a loving home. A good friend of mine, Victor (not Vic, my classmate), had told me once that he loved my parrot and wanted to get one himself. So I asked him how was the environment he kept his previous birds in, and basically they roam free around the house, and are only caged when it's time to sleep. So it was settled.
***
Today I arranged having lunch with my friend S. and Victoria. I've noticed that my social network needs to be worked on. It was nice. We went for coffee after lunch and I thought of getting Joseph a muffin.
I've had my high and lows with this "break" with Joseph. I don't feel heartbroken because it's not a break-up per se, but I do feel sad, and I miss him. I was very negative the days after (my last entry), I was optimistic yesterday and today I was ok with it. I'd decided not to push and not to beg. Give him time. Give myself time.
I went to his house, not quite sure if he was there. I took the stairs down (which is below the house, like a separate little house with living room, bedroom and bathroom) and I heard music coming from his bedroom, so I knew he was there.
He frowned when he saw me, but inmediately his face relaxed, kinda sorta smiling. He came out and received the muffin. He said his cat was upstairs and closed the door behind him. I inmediately realized (and I'd seen it coming) he was gently kicking me out. I felt bad, but not too bad. It's what I should've expected.
I greeted Waffles, and told him he didn't have to show me the way out, I was leaving on my own anyway. He said, no, he was a gentleman. I left without kissing him, and part of me seemed to sense a longing from his part...but I know he wouldn't have done it either. I felt like crying as I was getting into the car.
Right then I thought of some movies. How a person who has someone "over" closes the door behind him/her so a third person visiting doesn't notice. I felt horrible when I thought that, but also could be that he didn't want to give me the chance to come in and give him a speech of any sort. I wasn't planning on doing that, anyway.
All I say right now is let it be (ah, good song). However I feel, sad or optimistic, I let myself be. I am scared that he'll end up deciding to break things off for good, but if that day comes...well, it'll come.
I just hope that chocolate muffin softens his heart.
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