Saturday, 02/28/09 - 2:56 pm.
Let's fast forward to one of my conclusions of last night: CR likes me. It had to happen I guess, but I don't want it to. This week I've noticed how he stares at me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. Or the way he hugged me last night, out of nowhere, acting like he was drunk. I'll go on with this friendship for as long as it's possible. I do need a friend like him and I don't want him any other way.
With that out of the way, last night was neat, as my friday nights are turning out to be. I had to have dinner with my family but then I ran off to meet with CR and, yes, Al. They were at some bar and I had to drive for about 25 minutes to get there, but I have no problem driving wherever they are, as long as there's a parking spot.
I liked the bar, it was very small. I had a glass of rum with Sprite and lemon and it wasn't bad. Spiderman 2 came on the TV, and we saw parts of it. Just saw, because it was on mute and the music was very, very loud, and it was also difficult to hold a conversation.
Still, last night is the most I've talked to Al. In fact, for a while it seemed like he and I were on a date talking, while CR fell asleep on his chair. You wanna know what Al studied? Animation. ANIMATION, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. That was my dream since I was little but I abandoned it when I realized I had no talent and I could never, never, never afford it. I'm happy with how my life turned out, and I'm not very knowledgeable on this, but animation was something I once was very passionate about.
So we talked a lot about that. Well, he did, since he's the one with the experience. I wanted to go to the restroom but I didn't know how to make a pause. He's a chatty guy (and cute). Then we moved to the restaurant across the street, and Al got a free calendar of bikini girls holding beers. As all guys, he enjoys seeing that kind of stuff, but he knows it's just a fantasy. Funny conversations were held on this subject. And we kept chatting, but now I don't remember about what. All I know is that my entire night was spent nodding at him, but also, I was thrilled to give him my attention. Do guys find that attractive? Because, hey, man, I'm a good listener. Then he and CR talked for a good while about how unbelievable it was that our...their friend and my acquaintance Fer was dead.
When we left home, past midnight, I was thrilled again, because he said they'd (he and CR) walk me to my car. And we said goodbye, and I always kind of hug him goodbye; he said thanks for coming along and sorry for being a little down tonight, but I was thinking "dude, are you kidding me?". Then I just kissed CR on the cheek, and we talked a little and that's when CR hugged me randomly. It was a little of a WTF moment. At home I wondered if it was too obvious how I hugged Al when we said hello or goodbye. I can't help it. He's not skinny like Joseph but he has a pretty cute body shape. Don't get me started on his face.
I dreamed of him A LOT last night/this morning, but nothing compromising. When I woke up, I realized I don't like him that much, or at least not as much as I used to. Perhaps because I'm aware of the impossibility of engaging in a relationship of any kind beyond casual friends. Last night he mentioned he was dating someone, if there's any doubt. Oh, well. It's nice to have a crush, anyway. He's nice to look at.
Today's Joseph birthday and a considerable part of me is effortlessly apathetic about that. I have come to terms with the facts that I've lost contact with him, perhaps for good, that he's SO over me and will never feel anything for me again (I wish he did, but I know he won't) and he's happy with someone else, far away from me. He's in Guatemala right now. I bet it'll be his best birthday ever. Last year, I just took him to Pizza Hut.
I got a little sad yesterday, because Brother #3 lives there and he was visiting for the weekend. I picked him up for our family dinner, and he took the same bus Joseph took last time he traveled there when we were dating. He called me early in the morning, he was coming in a rush and I waited for him and then took him for breakfast, if I recall correctly. He was wearing strange shoes that didn't belong to him. It was a little painful, remembering that, but I went on with my life, to have dinner with family.
I had lunch with friends today. The rest of my saturday is free and I'm having this wishful thinking of seeing Al, but I'll be ok staying home and resting. I'll nap and play guitar and draw Simeon (it's the website's 1st anniversary on monday...unbelievable!) and perhaps write a little.
*Sigh* Happy birthday, Joseph. Wherever you are.
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