Wednesday, 03/25/09 - 9:24 pm.
Shortly after finishing my last entry, Joseph started talking to me online. My thoughts? "Oh, neat, he unblocked me". The conversation was ok, really friendly and about catching up, without getting too personal. Oh, we have a new president, they ruined Watchmen, he's learned to drive, he's "ok, all things considered", etc.
He had a picture of him and his wife and it didn't bother me. In fact, it bored me. And seeing his nickname, about being unemployed and needing money just made me think I dodged a bullet. I don't need my guy to make a lot of money, but certainly when you think of building such a partnership, you want the other party to contribute. Joseph is 28 and he hasn't had a real, serious job, and if he did, he can't prove it. He can't even use the "I went to college" excuse to justify his lack of employment because he didn't go to college. I hope he finds a way out, but it's a little difficult.
Anyway. It was quite an amicable conversation. He even told me CR likes me, and said he isn't so bad. I told him he isn't, but it isn't mutual. And he backed off and changed subject. I do think it's cool that we got to be friends. A part of me will always be in love with him, and think that getting back together would be like coming back home. But I'll never come back home and I'm ok with it. Even more so, today when I logged on and saw him online, it bothered me a little. I guess I got used to not seeing him.
On the other hand, I have fallen in love with someone else. Well, that's probably a stretch, but it's not a "like" feeling, because I've always liked this guy. As a friend. You know him, my friend Art. He dated Cel when we were in high school. We talk often, and he was very supportive with the whole Joseph thing. We had plans of going to Guatemala while I attended the psych congress in june, but I'm not sure he'll make it. He will come and visit in a couple of months, though.
Don't worry, it's all fun and games. It's just that last night we turned on our webcams. I had never ever done that with anybody except my family, because it's a little embarrasing. It was great seeing him, though. He's put on a lot of weight (all of his gang from high school has), but his face is still really cute, and I love his current haircut. He was hilarious and at times we got a little, little flirty. This morning I even woke up to a text message of him that said "they'll want me to go to work and I'll whisper no but I'll wake up and go anyway". He had promised me to wake me up when he went to work. But yeah, all fun and games. Just a little glitch. I'm not "in love" with him, really.
Today I took the afternoon off from work. Everyone at work seemed cool with it, but I was feeling a little guilty. It's just my SuperEgo. Plus, we had received an e-mail from Washington (the main funding source) that said that, due to some incorrect procedures, our office was jeopardizing the funds from some donor. That had nothing to do with me, though, so I had nothing to fix. And so, I spent the afternoon with Brother #2, his wife and baby. I adore that child.