First try at classmates reunion and something tangible.
Saturday, 05/02/09 - 4:57 pm.

Hello, May. This is a month that usually brings me a guy to get involved with; it happened for years, until Joseph came along. So I should note that this month would have also marked our 5th anniversary. I don't know if I'll care or how much. All I can say is that I'll try to not care a lot.

Last night, around 15 people from high school met. The class of '02 has shown some interest in getting together so this was some kind of rehearsal. I had a lot of fun, and it seems these reunions will happen relatively often, so different people will have the chance to attend. I saw some people I wanted to see, especially a hilarious boy, and Victoria came with me. I went to her house at 5:30, we chatted away, arrived to the place at 8 and left at midnight. It'd be nice to do it again. There might be a formal reunion at the end of the year.

At first, I was there only with two of Art's best friends, and they talked about him for a while (as they did about other guys in their gang). Funny stuff, and not so funny stuff that I already knew or if I didn't, didn't surprise me: how he drinks everyday (he's told me he doesn't anymore, but who knows), how he is alarmingly overweight because he eats out all the time, and how when he comes to visit, his friends sometimes have to take turns to go out and drink with him, because he does it every night and nobody can keep up. I've talked to him and his slightly deeper feelings for me make him say he'd change or is changing his ways; I've seen a little change, but I don't know if he can maintain it or how significant it is. Changing habits is so difficult and I don't want him to do it just for me.

Anyway. Art was also waiting for a friend to visit yesterday. Another guy from his gang that lives in California. He was excited about this. He told me to send him text messages from the reunion, and I did, but then I noticed he briefly called one of the friends of his that I was with. It upset me a little, I was texting him and he calls someone else. But then I thought, these guys have some kind of bromance going on, and I'd better leave it at that and not try to get in the way.

I did wish that he was there with me last night, with his arm around me or something. Two of the people that were there had been high school friends, chose the same career and ended up dating. And there they were last night; it'd be nice if they got married. But anyway, there's nothing that guarantees me that by the time Art comes in august, he'll still have slightly deeper feelings for me (he's not "in love" with me, he just likes me a lot) or that something will happen between us. I assume his most recent ex will want to see him when he comes and stuff. So I'm not very hopeful.

The tattoo artist is back from his trip. I'll go to his studio tomorrow, I'm not sure if I'll get it done tomorrow also. I would advise myself against it. I think of my bare back and I wonder if I'll be able to lose that. On the other hand...yes. I know I want it, them. I'm fond of the phoenix bird on my back and of Frog on my inner wrist, but the latter may be too difficult (all those muscles moving may change the drawing over time, the pain due to the thin layer of skin, and a possible "no visible tattoos" policy in future jobs -though I could cover it with bracelets-). But since this is a huge decision, I should be informed and discuss all this first.

This morning I went to run some errands and bought The White Stripes' "Get Behind Me, Satan" at $6.99. Discount and music industry crisis aside, people may wonder why buy the CD if I already downloaded it for free. Well, I like having the real deal when it comes to artists that I really like: I did it with Aerosmith, The Beatles, STP, and now the WS. They're incredibly awesome in every way and it's worth having the original work.

Later I thought that maybe the explanation could be the same as to why I'm getting a tattoo. My friend Victor asked me if it was necessary for me to have a symbol of something I am/I feel. Like, I know that I can come back from the ashes (I feel cheesy using the metaphor, although that's what my planned tattoo stands for), so what's the necessity of stamping in it on my flesh? Who do I have to prove it to? No one. But it's something I want. I'd like to have something tangible, something to touch, something to look at. And here I am, listening to the same songs I downloaded in january, but now straight from a CD...and I'm looking at the album art, not on the screen, but on the case I have in my hands. And it makes the experience so much more enjoyable. I always prefer to hold photographs instead of seeing them on a screen. I hope this makes sense. It's a matter of subjective appreciation, I guess.

So, we shall see.

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