Friday, 05/08/09 - 10:07 pm.
Ok, let's get over with what happened yesterday with Art: I was irrational. Which is exactly what I feared I'd come to find out after talking to him. I discovered I take FB too seriously, and that's pretty much what him and this girl were trying to prove, they wanted to see reactions. But not from you! That's why I sent you the warning. You were the only one that knew beforehand.
We had an argument, although I wanted to make clear it was mostly my bruised ego, because actually he's free to do whatever he wants. I told him that I knew it was a joke but I couldn't find it funny, perhaps because I like him too much, and that's the bottom line of all this. You know? I didn't want to use the "it was so Joseph-like" card, but...ok, perhaps I wanted to, and I did. He replied no, don't even try to compare!, and he was right. He said he'd never start a long-distance relationship, especially with someone he doesn't have a very deep relationship with. First, I don't have for her the feelings I have for you, and second, this isn't real. He apologized a few times for hurting me, though.
So I felt stupid for being irrational and taking FB too seriously. But I must insist: it's insensitive towards me (although, I repeat, he probably doesn't have any obligations with me, since in theory we're nothing but friends). It hurts me. His most recent status asks where his love is and I just knew...surely enough, five minutes later, the reply: "hereeeeeee!" by her. And she comments and replies to his stuff and it just makes me sick.
I don't know what to say to make him understand. I understand his point of view, I can totally see it; it IS a joke. But from MY point of view, I can't take it lightly. He has no romantic feelings for her but it still hurts. I told him so. And he apologizes, but he doesn't fully understand.
Ok, ok, happy stuff: today at work we had a Happy Hour. I've been a little worried about going to the beach with my coworkers in july, for the yearly Board of Directors/network staff/Washington delegates retreat. I've said they're good people, and they are, and the work they do is amazing, but at times it's painfully obvious [to me] that we come from different backgrounds, them and me, and have different ideologies on some aspects of life (say, for example, when it comes to gender).
But back to the Happy Hour: for a while it was a lot of people, cracking jokes too much sex-oriented for my taste and enjoying snacks and alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. Then people started to leave and it was just my two bosses (the Executive Director and the Operations Manager) and two outreach workers. We had a great conversation. I'm very thankful for my job and for the people in it. It's neat that they respect me and admire me and are fond of me and are happy with the work I'm doing; they say I'm very intelligent. All I can say is, likewise. It was like being among friends so I felt like I'd accomplished going out on friday (my patient cancelled so I debated whether to go home or go out after work).
So it was nearly three happy hours. The four of them and I talked about many things. I told them I'll leave next year if I win the scholarship. The OM literally begged me not to leave this year, because the network is going through a transition, from branch office to independent foundation, and it was a blow when the other Executive Assistant resigned (after working there for 8 years). But at the same time, they say I'm capable of much more than what I'm currently doing (which is basically being a secretary). They asked me about me being a therapist and say it's cool that I'm sticking to psychology regardless of my job. Nevertheless, and I told them this, I'm very happy and comfortable where I am right now, and I'm learning a lot. I'm learning about new realities in my country and about disability rights and landmines and how to use a copy machine and handle petty cash. Also, I can't wait to meet the delegates from DC, one of them is like family to our network.
Also, we had our monthly raffle. Third name drawn was the winner, and I drew the third name: mine! Haha, I scored fifteen bucks. Hey, no cheating involved, I deserve it because I'm very responsible with my cooperative payment every month. I'm saving additional money with it, I hope we'll get a good share at the end of the year. Anyway, that was very cool. It was a great way of bonding with the staff.
I've recovered from yesterday, when it comes to the tattoo and my family, mostly because Brother #3 called to check on me and give me his full support. He said he was in awe by the harsh reactions from the rest of my family and pointed out at how conventional thinking is still among us, even if most of the times our family takes pride in having a liberal frame of mind. Also, my friend Angel sent me a very comforting e-mail. I'm very thankful for always having someone to come to my rescue when I'm feeling down.
I had to postpone the tattoo this weekend -AGAIN- because it's Mother's Day and Sister In Law #3's birthday and there'll be family around (and the scholarship...I want to make sure it won't interfere with it). I'd hate to get it done and then come home to a family dinner, which would have been the case. Instead, I'll go to the movies with my sister and nephew #2. It'll be on me, because I didn't get my sister anything for Mother's Day and I've heard the gesture of paying for the other person is a nice gift. She always pays, anyway.
Everyday I think this tattoo thing over and over...and I can't wait to see that phoenix bird on my back.
Onto the weekend! Although this Art thing kinda ruins everything, and part of me insists me hurting over this is not irrational.
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